


Revelations

by TheWorldIsYou13



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, It's not all doom and gloom - I promise, Miscarriage, Not Canon Compliant, References to Depression, Revelations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-09-23 03:55:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 33,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9639719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWorldIsYou13/pseuds/TheWorldIsYou13
Summary: When the Doctor discovers a photograph in Rose's private photo album, it leads to many revelations about her past. However, it isn't just Rose's past that is revealed...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This idea, in some form or another, has been in my mind for the longest time and so I thought it was about time I did something with it in the only way I know how - fanfiction. There are many different routes I could've taken with the main idea, but this, slightly more depressing and angsty, guise was the one I've settled on. 
> 
> Depending on where this goes when I come to write the remaining chapters, I may bump up the rating a notch. But we'll see. I know vaguely where I want to go, but it's just a case of seeing how far I go.
> 
> Also, it shouldn't be too long. Hopefully no more than five chapters.
> 
> Hope you enjoy

There are things that she has never told the Doctor about what happened in her life before she met him. Oh, the majority of it he knew, but there were certain aspects of her life that, the fewer people who knew, the better. It had been a dark time during her teenage years and she had no wishes to ever relive it ever again – even in memory.

But then he’d found that picture and she was forced to relive some of the worst things that had happened to her.

If someone had told her, back then when all this had happened, that she would discover that there was a happy ending to this story, she never would have believed them.

But occasionally, the seemingly impossible does occurs.

We usually call these occurrences miracles;

But maybe this had always been meant to be:

Maybe this had been destiny.

~oOo~

He hadn’t meant to find it. Honestly, he hadn’t. They were about to go for their monthly visit to see her mother and he had been asked to grab the present she had gotten her from under her bed while she was in the shower.

He had found the present in no time at all, remembering well what it was that he was looking for. He had been there when she had bought it and remembered her putting it under her bed when they had returned that evening. But his curiosity had gotten the better of him when he had found something under the mattress that he had never seen before.

It was the only other thing under there and, being the curious man he was, the Doctor pulled it out while Rose was still otherwise occupied. She had only just closed the bathroom door when she had told him to grab the present for her mother, so she was likely to be at least another twenty minutes at least.

As he pulled it out, he saw that it was a photo album that had been hidden under Rose’s bed. He crossed his brow in confusion. He had seen Rose’s photo album – had even been a part of compiling it. He’d also been the one to have given it her. It had been a birthday present from him not long after she had started traveling with him. He had still been all big ears and leather back then and so knew that there were photos in there from their first set of travels. She left it in the library now so that he could look through the photos as well when he wanted. She had told him that it was as much his photo album as it was hers. He’d felt a wave of love pass over him when she’d said that. He had never felt this connected to the life of one of his companions before.

He had even seen the photo albums back at her flat. Jackie had insisted that he knew about Rose’s childhood and so had sat down with him and shown him the photographs from the years before they had met. He had moaned and protested on the outside initially when, in reality, he loved learning about Rose and what she had been like as a child. He had noticed a significant loss of photographs after Rose’s sixteenth birthday but he just brushed it off.

So he couldn’t help but wonder why he had never seen this one before. He could tell by the weight of it as he picked it up that it wasn’t anywhere near full. In fact, it felt like it contained almost nothing at all.

Growing ever more curious, the Doctor got himself comfortable on the floor by Rose’s bed, ready to slide the album back under the bed should she come out of the bathroom early, and opened it up.

He couldn’t ever have prepared himself from what he saw:

Inside, there were only four pictures in total, but only three of them caught his attention.

The first was of Rose on her own. From what he could tell, the Doctor thought she must have been around about sixteen. Her hair was her natural, light brown colour and she was wearing considerably less makeup than she did nowadays. That stuck him as odd, he’d have thought, if anything, the transition would have gone the other way. Was she hiding something about herself?

That was when he noticed the picture at the bottom of the page. It was a picture from an ultrasound and, in the middle, was a tiny form. It didn’t take a genius to spot what it was he was looking at. At some point before she had met him, probably around about the age of sixteen, Rose had fallen pregnant. And, judging by the fact that it was the only picture of the child he had ever seen, Rose had either, had an abortion or put the child up for adoption.

Neither of those options, however, sounded like something Rose would do. Of course, he hadn’t known her then and her circumstances at the time could’ve led to either one of those options but there was something niggling at the back of the Doctor’s mind that told him that wasn’t the truth.

That left him with one other option. Something that would have meant the choice had been taken completely out of Rose’s control.

Could she have had…? He wanted and needed to know, but there was no way that he was going to get anything out of Rose. Whatever had happened was clearly still something that was close to Rose’s heart and confronting her about this could be the worst thing he could do. No, he needed to talk to someone else about this before he talked to Rose. He needed to know how to approach this subject with her.

That left him with just one other person he could talk to about this. He’d have to talk to Jackie. And, somehow, he needed to be alone with her without causing Rose too much suspicion. Hopefully Rose would want to go and see some of her old friends while they were there. That would give him a chance to talk to Jackie about this for a while.

He looked up at the other two photos in the album. At first, his brain didn’t register at all. He knew he must have been looking at whoever was responsible for Rose’s pregnancy in the first place, but it took him a little while to recognise the young boy in the photo.

Shock wasn’t a strong enough word to describe what it was he was feeling right now. In fact, there wasn’t a language out there in the universe that could describe the way he was feeling as his hearts pounded in his chest, almost as though they would eventually give out.

He all but threw the album on the floor as he heard the door to Rose’s bathroom unlock. She must have dropped something as she unlocked the door because the Doctor was given enough time to grab one of the photos out of the album and push the remainder back under the bed.

He pocketed the photograph as Rose came out of the bathroom, fully dressed with a towel still on her wet hair.

She noticed the Doctor a moment later. She noticed that he was breathing as if he had just been running and he was looking at her in a way that she couldn’t quite describe. What on earth had he done while she had been in the shower?

“You alright?” She asked, concerned.

“Wh…? Oh! Yeah, I’m fine.” He panted back at her.

“You sure? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Rose said, referring to how pale she had noticed he had become.

_Boy, he’d seen one hell of a ghost, that was for sure._

“I’m fine. Sorry. Just saw a…spider.” He lied.

“A spider?”

“Yes.” The Doctor said, getting up on unsteady feet. “It was on that present for your mum. Don’t worry I got rid of it. Gave me a fright. Big thing it was.” He begun to make his way out of the room. “Right, better get you to London.”

He all but ran out of the room, leaving Rose feeling very bewildered indeed, indeed.

If she had thought about it a little more, she might have remembered the photo album that resided underneath her bed. However, it had been so long since she had last thought about what it contained that she had almost all-but forgotten about it. The thought that the Doctor could one day discover both it and its contents never once crossed her mind.

If it had, she probably would have found a better place to hide it by now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day! Don't get used to this; this is it for now. I've got a headache from looking at my computer screen and still have reading for a seminar tomorrow afternoon.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this little 'revelation' :P
> 
> Oh and I forgot last chapter: I don't own anything and all mistakes are my own

“We’ve arrived.” The Doctor announced as the TARDIS jolted to a stop.

Rose looked at him carefully. He was hiding something from her, she could tell. Since she had come out of the shower, he had been awfully quite – a complete juxtaposition to how he had been in the moments before. He’d been moaning in that adorable way he always did when Rose wanted to go home to her mother for a bit. She didn’t believe a word of that ‘there was a spider’ story he had told her. She knew him well enough now to know when he was lying.

However, she was letting it go for now. She’d talk to him about it later.

For now, though, she just wanted to enjoy a visit to her mother’s. The Doctor’s weird behaviour could be put to the back of her mind for the time being.

~oOo~

“You never told me you were coming over.” Jackie said as she opened the door, immediately bringing her daughter into a hug.

“Yeah, well I thought you deserved a surprise visit.” Rose said, hugging her mother back just as tightly. “Plus, we’re trying to make these visits monthly, remember?”

“Oi you! You’re not getting away that easily.” Jackie called as she noticed the Doctor trying to slip past both her and Rose.

He didn’t manage to get away quickly enough, however, as he was soon brought into a tight hug. Funny what a regeneration could do to the people surrounding you. A year ago, she wouldn’t have dreamed of hugging him like this.

“Nice to see you, too, Jackie.” The Doctor said, gently patting the older Tyler woman on the back as he tried to pull out of her embrace. “Can you let me go now?”

Shaking her head, she let the Doctor go.

“Right, I’ll put the kettle down. Go and make yourselves at home.” She told them before making her way into the kitchen area.

“Leave all electrical items alone.” Jackie poked her head back round the side of the door, looking pointedly at the Doctor as he stood by the television.

“I was turning it on!” He defended before huffing and sitting on the arm chair.

Rose just laughed slightly before pressing the button on the remote, having grabbed it from the table, tossing it to the Doctor when she was done.

“You pick something, I want to give this to mum.”

The Doctor flinched slightly as the remote hit his groin but nodded and gave her a small smile.

“You sure you’re okay?” She asked, still concerned about him after earlier.

“Fine,” he said, his voice slightly strained. “The remote just hit me in the wrong place.”

At least this time he was telling the truth.

“Oh sorry, do you want ice?” She asked, feeling bad that she’d hurt him.

“No, I’m fine. It wasn’t that hard – shocked me more than anything.”

“Okay, I’ll see you in a minute.”

The Doctor nodded again, picking up the remote and flicking through the channels on the television.

Rose watched him for a moment before making her way into the kitchen where her mother was busy making tea.

“So what have you been up to since I last saw you?” Jackie asked, pouring water in each of the three mugs. “Still getting into all that trouble?”

“Pretty much.” Rose nodded. She didn’t always tell her mother about their adventures, especially not the ones that scared the shit out of her. Her mother would never let her near that box again.

“He looking after you?”

“Of course he is.” Rose smiled as Jackie passed her one of the mugs.

“Well it’s good to see you happy.” Jackie said. “After all that you’ve been through, it’s good to know you’re doing alright. I was worried, you know, after he changed an’ all. Thought it might happen again; thought you’d go back to where you were before you’d met him. I’m glad he still makes you happy, even if I think that life you lead is too dangerous.”

“He does – I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, I think.”

“Have you told him?” Jackie asked.

Rose just shook her head. There had been moments where she had thought about telling him, but the right moment had never come along. Then, eventually, Rose decided that she didn’t need to tell him. It didn’t have anything to do with him and she didn’t want to burden him with anything else. He had enough to deal with in terms of his own emotions as it was; she didn’t think it was fair that she added her own problems to that pile of things for him to worry about.

No, the less he knew, the better,

“No, I haven’t. And I don’t want to.” Rose said.

“I know it’s not something you want to discuss, but maybe it’s right he does know. Do you still get those days?”

“What days?”

“You know what days.”

Yes she did know what days her mother was referring to because they still happened occasionally. Every now and then she would have a day or so where she felt so down; didn’t want to get out of bed; didn’t want to eat or anything. During those days she couldn’t help but let her mind wander back to that time of pain.

However, those days were now few and far between and she could count the number of ‘episodes’, as she called them, that she’d had in the last year on one hand. When the Doctor asked her what was wrong, she’d either put it down to the fact that it was ‘her time of month’ or that she was still shaken from a particularly harrowing adventure. He never questioned her more on it and would usually just hold her until she said she was feeling better before making her way to her room, saying that she wanted to ‘sleep it off’.

That was one of the advantages of living a life like hers, she guessed. It allowed her to hide behind her true feelings.

“Very rarely now.”

“I still think you should tell him.”

“Tell me what?”

Both Jackie and Rose almost jumped at the sound of the Doctor’s voice as he entered the kitchen.

“Nothing,” Rose said, finding herself unable to look the Doctor in the eye. Jackie covered for her.

“We were talking about you not to you. Now what do you want?”

“I was expecting tea,” the Doctor said innocently. “I was beginning to wonder if you’d forgotten.”

“No, I didn’t forget, I was just talking to my daughter. I don’t often get a chance to do this alone since you’re always lurking around somewhere, shouting down the phone or bursting through the kitchen door.” She picked up the third mug on the breakfast bar which was, thankfully, still hot and passed it to the Doctor. “There you go.”

“Ta!” And he left again.

“Honestly, I don’t know how you put up with him.”

Rose just laughed before taking a sip of her tea.

“Oh, I got you this.” Rose said, grabbing the present by her side.

Jackie took the small box from her daughter and opened it steadily. Inside was a silver necklace with a single pendant. The pendant as flat and made from the bluest stone Jackie had ever seen.

“I can’t remember what the stone’s called – you’ll have to ask the Doctor – but we bought it on a planet we were visiting not long before we came here. All I know is that the stone is a common gift from a daughter to a mother. When the Doctor explained it to me, I knew I had to get you one.” Rose explained.

“Oh, love, it’s beautiful. Thank you very much. It’s nice to know that you still think of your old mum even when you’re out there amongst the stars.”

“Of course I still think of you. I still come home, don’t I?” Rose smiled and put her mug of finished tea back on the breakfast bar. “Come on, we’d better get back in there before the Doctor starts going mad with boredom. Don’t want him messing around with the TV again, do you?”

“God no.” Jackie said, following her daughter out of the kitchen.

~oOo~

 

Frustratingly, the Doctor had been talked into staying another day. And Jackie had forbidden him to stay on the TARDIS that night.

So here he was, half sitting-half lying on the sofa with a blanket and a pillow. Rose had turned in about half an hour and Jackie was still in the kitchen doing…well, whatever it was she was doing in there.

The Doctor knew he wouldn’t sleep anyway, his mind was too worked up with what he had seen in that photo album earlier in the day. He had taken the most shocking photo from it and was now holding it in his hands, looking intently at it. The knowledge of this photo was now killing him; he needed to share it with someone. But the person he wanted to talk to was still kind of in earshot of the person who he couldn’t talk to about all this just yet.

That was, if Rose was still awake, and he didn’t know how much she could hear from her room. Sure, he’d spent some time in there, but he’d never spent long enough in there to find out. The one time he had nearly spent a night with Rose, he had been told to leave by Jackie. Nothing had happened between them at all. In fact, Rose had been feeling unwell and the Doctor had offered to stay with her in case she needed him at some point during the night, but he hadn’t been given the chance. She had obviously been okay that night though, because he hadn’t heard from her.

But, no, he didn’t know if Rose would hear him talk about this to her mother if he spoke to her now. So he decided that he would leave it until morning. At least then it would give him time to recover from the fact that he had just discovered something he never would have dreamed possible.

Though, now he knew, a lot of things starting making sense.

“Okay, what’s up with you?” Jackie asked. “I’m not letting you in with Rose, if that’s what’s bothering you.”

“No, it’s not that. Though it is about Rose.”

“What is it?” Jackie asked, worried about what the Doctor was about to tell her.

“Is there somewhere we can talk without any risk of Rose hearing us? I don’t know if she’s asleep yet.” The Doctor said, sitting up properly and swinging his legs over the edge of the sofa.

“Sure,” Jackie nodded. “Let’s go into the kitchen,”

The Doctor followed her into the small kitchen area, shutting the door behind him. He had slipped the photo into one of jacket pockets and was fingering it nervously. He didn’t know how to start talking to Jackie – didn’t even know if this was the right thing to do. Maybe he should just talk straight to Rose. After all, it was her who was concerned in all this, not Jackie.

“What is it?” Jackie asked, and the Doctor could tell that she was worried about what he was about to say.

“Look, I don’t know how to go about this, Jackie, so I’m just going to come out and say it.” The Doctor let out a long breath. “I found four photographs that neither you nor Rose had shown me. They were in a photo album under bed. I didn’t mean to pry, but I was curious.” He took in a shaky breath, unsure of where to go to now. There was so much he needed to know.

“What did you see?” There was a tone to Jackie’s voice that suggested she already knew where the Doctor was going with this.

“I saw of a picture from an ultrasound.” Jackie nodded and looked down. She had always known that it was likely this would come out eventually, despite how adamant Rose was to keep this from him.

“Rose fell pregnant just after she turned sixteen.” Jackie told him. “That image was from the first time she went for a scan. She had been terrified. Hadn’t wanted to tell me at first. I was angry with her, of course I was but, I soon came to realise that there was no way that Rose was going to give this child up. She was prepared to bring up her child, regardless of what anyone thought of her and the fact that she was just a child herself.” Jackie started, the Doctor listened intently. “It was round about that time that Mickey started getting involved. The child wasn’t his, but he was willing to be there for Rose and help her through this. They had always been friends – ever since she was little – and I knew that there was something between them.

“Three months went by and, in that time, Rose had left school. She had planned on going on to take her A Levels, but instead started to work full-time at Henrik’s in order to start to build up a fund so she didn’t have to rely on me. For someone so young, she had to grow up extremely quickly. I tried a couple of times to ask her about the baby’s father, but she refused to say anything. She insisted that no one had hurt her and I could tell she was telling the truth. I still don’t know who it was. I don’t know if they lived on the estate or if they came from somewhere else. Whoever it was though, I think Rose thought she was in love with him. She even said to me a couple of times that he promised her he would see her again. He never did.

“So anyway, three months had passed and Rose went for her first scan. She wouldn’t let me in with her, told me she wanted to do this on her own. When she came out, she still looked as scared as anything and she was pale as a sheet. But there was a smile on her face as she showed me the image she had been given. She told me that they had said everything was fine and that the baby was healthy. She’d booked another appointment and we left. She told Mickey the news and showed her the picture. For a while the image stayed in a frame in her room. I could tell she was excited despite how scared she was.

“But things then went wrong. And a couple of weeks later Rose miscarried. She was taken into hospital before they told her. Both Mickey and I were with her, but the news hit her hard. Very hard. For weeks she refused to leave her room, sinking lower and lower every day. I eventually got her to speak to someone, but that didn’t help. She was soon put on antidepressants and they helped slightly, but she was still no better.” Jackie felt tears form in her eyes and she wiped them with her hands before taking in a deep breath.

“How long did this last?” The Doctor said. He was shocked beyond words to find out that this is what had happened to Rose before she had met him. He was also shocked by the fact that neither she nor Mickey had ever mentioned this to him. He also felt bad for all the times he had teased and annoyed Mickey on purpose, never thinking he was good enough when, in reality, he had been there for Rose and her child when the child wasn’t even his. And, by the sounds of it, he had been there every step of the way as Rose had battled with depression caused by her miscarriage. If only he hadn’t been so harsh on Mickey because, right now, all he wanted to do was thank him for all that he had done.

“She only started getting better about six months before she met you.” Jackie told him. “She’d been improving for a while, but those six months were the ones that really made a difference. Mickey had taken her away for a holiday, saying that she needed to get out and just try and forget about everything. When they came back, they announced that they were officially together – though I’d suspected it for a long time before that, it’d had been about three years since the miscarriage – and I noticed a change in Rose immediately. Whatever Mickey had said to her during their week away, it had really gotten through to her. Then she met you.”

“Why didn’t she say anything?” The Doctor asked.

“I don’t know. That was what we were talking about earlier when you came in. I told her that I thought she should tell you, but she didn’t want to. I think it’s hard for her to relive this.” Jackie explained. “Have you noticed that she might be quiet from time to time or that she might spend a whole day on her own, refusing to want to do anything?”

“She always tells me it’s ‘her time’ or that she’s had a nightmare from one of our adventures.” The Doctor said, all of a sudden seeing where Jackie was going with this.

“Although some of that might be the case; some of it might be because she’s having one of her bad days. She still gets them. She told me that they’re few and far between, but she will have days where she seems really down and that’s because she’s thinking about that time in her life.”

“If only I’d known…”

“You didn’t though and there was no way you could’ve done.”

“That’s not all I wanted to talk to you about.” The Doctor said

“What is it?” She asked.

“That photo wasn’t the only one that caught my attention. There’s also this.” He took the photo out of his pocket and handed it to Jackie. “This one shocked me more than the other one. In fact, I think it’s safe to say that I’ve never been so shocked in all my lives.”

“Why?”

“Look at the photo.”

“It’s of Rose,”

“And?”

“And a boy about her age – oh God! He must have been the father!” Jackie realised.

“What?!” The Doctor’s eyes widened in shock and fear and he could feel his hearts banging in his chest unnaturally fast for the second time that day.

“For about a week not long before she found out she was pregnant, Rose kept saying she was going out. Told me she was meeting someone. I thought it was just some of her friends from school, but it must have been him.” Jackie said, pointing at the boy in the photo. He was hansom enough. His hair was a dark blond colour, his eyes a deep blue. However there was something odd about the child next to her daughter, but Jackie couldn’t work out what it was.

Jackie looked up at the Doctor and noticed that the look in his eyes expressed pure fear.

“Doctor, are you alright?” He didn’t seem to register that she had spoken to him. “Doctor?”

This time he seemed to hear and looked Jackie straight in the eye. His eyes were dark and Jackie found that she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say to the man in front of her. It was the first time Jackie could say that she could see all of his many years written on his face. She had never seen his this scared before, either. Something she had said had clearly gotten him to this state.

“He couldn’t be the father it’s not possible. It is physically impossible for that boy to have conceived a child with Rose.” He was pacing now, his hands in his hair and Jackie wanted nothing more than to calm the Time Lord down, but she was too scared to say anything.

“Why? Have you met this child? Was he one of your other companions at some point?” Jackie asked once she had found her voice again.

“No,” the Doctor said.

“Do you know him?”

“Oh yes,”

“Then tell me who he is, because it’s about time I knew the answer to this. I’ve waited years to know who’s responsible for this and why they left my daughter alone with a child.” Jackie was no longer letting her fear get the better of her now, but she was trying her hardest to keep her voice down so they didn’t alert Rose to the conversation they were having.

“You really don’t want to know, Jackie.”

“Oh I really do.” Jackie looked the Doctor hard in the eye as soon as he stopped pacing the kitchen. “So go on, tell me. Who is this in the picture next to my daughter?”

The Doctor looked right back at her. His expression firm and without insincerity. Once again, Jackie caught a glimpse of all the nine hundred years he had lived in his eyes. And there was something else, too. Something she couldn’t quite make out. Guilt? Regret? Sorrow?

“Doctor…?” Jackie asked, her voice more gentle now. “Who is he?”

“He’s me.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of background

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was actually quite difficult to write and turned out a lot longer than I was expecting. It's a flashback chapter, giving more background on what happened and how Rose ended up pregnant in the first place. Possibly next chapter I will give more on the background on what happened in the aftermath and the years leading up to her meeting with the Ninth Doctor.
> 
> While this chapter itself is not explicit, I've bumped the rating up. This gives me a bit more freedom and I will sleep better knowing that I haven't underrated it (I'm joking, I probably won't sleep well anyway).
> 
> Also, here's a question for you lovely lot that I had when I began thinking about this chapter. How can Rose be 19 when she met the Doctor? Seems a daft question, right? Well, here's my logic (if you're interested, if not, just skip to the chapter): Rose met Nine in March 2005, right? She's 19 (apparently). Father's Day, however, states that she was born in 1987 as she was 6 months old when Pete died. 
> 
> 2005-1987=18. 
> 
> Furthermore, Pete died in the November, meaning that Rose would have been born late April/early May. I then read somewhere, a long time ago now I may add, that RTD had given the character his birth date (27th April). This means that she would have been 17 when she met the Doctor. SEVENTEEN! Either she lied to the Doctor or the writer's really didn't do too well in their maths O Levels. 
> 
> I mean, have I added up wrong or something? It's been bugging me for ages now, but came back to the forefront of my mind when I tried to work out what year it would have been that Rose turned 16. I settled on just saying 'early 2000's' in the end...it's either '03 or '01. I'll let you ponder that one for yourselves, dear friends.
> 
> Anyway, sorry for the rant - on with chapter 3 we go!

_London – Early 2000s:_

God she had rubbish friends. ‘Meet by chippy @ 12’ Keisha had texted her when they had been making plans for today. After having been driven mad at school by the never-ending stream of exam-prep talks and information, Rose had been looking forward to spending a Saturday afternoon with her friends.

But, of course, it seemed that somewhere along the way their plans had fallen through. Again.

Twenty minutes after arriving at, what was supposed to have been their rendezvous, Rose sent a text to a Keisha asking what was taking her so long. She sent the same message to Shareen as well and then proceeded to wait a further ten minutes. In that time, neither of them had bothered to reply to her message and there seemed to be sign of them either.

So she decided then and there that it wasn’t worth it and started to make her way back home. She’d just have to spend the afternoon on her own until her mother came back from work.

There were other weekends, Rose thought to herself as she walked back towards the park area that eventually led to the road towards her estate. After all, study leave was coming up soon and then, after exams were over, there was a long summer to look forward to before she started her A Levels in September. They had plenty of time to meet up then.

~oOo~

As usual, the park was full of kids playing – all trying to get a go on the swings. There were also a couple of teenagers at the side lines, smoking and drinking cans of cheap coke, trying to look cool. It was the same group that were always hanging around this part of the estate. She was sure there were better places to hang out other than a children’s park; but then again, there was nothing really around this part of the city. A park was about all they had. Once you grew out of that, there was nowhere else to go.

That was the thing, no one cared for council estate kids and, numerous times in her sixteen years, Rose wished that she had been fortunate enough to grow up in another part of town.

Shaking the thoughts out of her head (it would do no good on dwelling on things like that, after all) Rose continued to walk past the stream of familiar faces. She smiled a ‘hello’ at some of her mother’s friends who had children younger than her, but never stopped to engage in conversation with any of them.

She was just about out of the area when she noticed someone who caught her eye.

Sitting by one of the bushes, out of the way of everyone else, was a boy about her own age. He wasn’t from the estate, she was sure of that. He was looking across at the children playing, a lost look on his face. The boy looked as if he had never been to a park before in his life.

He was also looking a tad upset, Rose noticed, as she moved closer to him.

She wasn’t sure what drew her to him, but she put it down to the fact that she had always been of the empathetic kind and always wanted to help someone in any way she could.  

He hadn’t noticed her come up to him, so she made the first move and sat down on the ground next to him.

“Hello,” she said kindly, offering him a smile to show that she meant no harm.

“Hello,” the boy replied, looking at her. There was a look on his face that Rose understood to be a mixture of apprehension, nervousness and curiosity.

“Thought I’d come over, you looked a bit upset. What’s the matter?” Rose asked gently, understanding that this boy might not want to confide in a stranger.

“I think I’m lost.” The boy replied. He had an odd accent which Rose couldn’t even begin to place. His English was slightly broke, too, but he was clear enough and seemed to understand her perfectly fine. “I was with my…brother and we got…parted.”

“How?”

“Not sure.” The boy shrugged as if it didn’t really matter. “I got curious and…distracted? I think he carried on.”

“Without you?”

“Yes,”

“Well, why don’t I wait with you until he comes back, eh? If you stay here then he’ll be more likely to find you by retracing his steps.” Rose told him and the boy nodded. “I’m Rose, by the way, what’s your name?”

The boy seemed to think about his answer for a moment before he replied. “Theta Sigma.” He eventually told her.

“Wow, that’s an interesting name! Reminds me of my maths GCSE though.” She laughed and the boy looked at her as if she was the most bizarre, yet intriguing person he’d ever met.

“GCSE?” He repeated, not sure what the initialisation meant.

“Oh, it stands for General Certificate of Secondary Education.” She explained. “Basically, it’s just a way of the government putting pressure on young people and telling them they’re not good enough if they don’t get the mark they stipulate is a good mark.”

“Sounds like the Academy,” Theta mumbled.

“So, where are you from then? I can tell by your accent that you’re not from around here.” Rose asked. “I thought I was good with accents, but I cannot even begin to place you.”

“I come from far away.”

“How far?”

“Very,”

“Blimey, you’re quite the cryptic, aren’t you?” Rose said, but Theta gave nothing in response.

“Are you from…?” He gestured around, as if he was unsure about what to call the place he was in.

“London?” Rose smiled. “Yeah. Born and bred, me.”

“Born and bred?” Theta asked, the phrase not quite computing with him.

“Oh, it’s just a phrase. Means I’ve lived here all my life.” She smiled at him again. There was something different about this kid, Rose thought, but, whatever it was, it didn’t seem to bother her in the slightest.

“Can I ask, have you moved here or are you just visiting?” Rose asked him when she felt that the conversation had begun to grow cold.

“Brother is working on something. A mission, I think you call it. For my people.”

“A mission? For your people? Is he some kind of spy and he’s brought you along for some ‘spy-training’?”

Theta just looked at her, confused.

“Never mind. I bet it’s all top secret.”

“It is to human kind.”

“Human kind?” Theta’s eyes widened and he thought he might have said something wrong, but Rose just smiled at him and giggled. “So, what, is this ‘mission’ of yours only knowable to cats or something?”

Theta just laughed with her and shook his head. He had no idea what on Earth she was talking about, but he liked it when she laughed.

They spoke some more, for a little while longer, until Theta suddenly drew quiet.

“What’s wrong?” Rose asked.

“My brother.”

“Hey, told you he’d turn up! Come on, let’s go and say hi.” She made to get up, but Theta held her back.

“He can’t know I was with you.”

“Why?”

“It is forbidden.”

“Huh?”

“Can I meet you here tomorrow?” Theta asked suddenly. “Same time as now?”

“Um…yeah. Okay, sure.” Rose said, not really knowing why she was agreeing, but there was something in her that knew she’d regret it if she didn’t.

“Thank you.” Was all Theta said to her before he stood up and made his way towards who Rose assumed was his brother. He barely gave her a second glance as the two of them walked past her, back to wherever they had come from in the first place.

Rose just watched them go. She was confused by what had happened at the end, there, and why it was forbidden for Theta to be seen with her. She guessed it was down to his culture – whatever his culture was. He was an odd one, she knew that much, but the thought of meeting him again tomorrow made her heart skip a beat.

Surely, she couldn’t fancy him after having only spoken to him for twenty minutes?

For the rest of the day, Rose couldn’t get the deep blue colour of his eyes out of her mind.

God, what the hell would her friends say if they had been here right now?

~oOo~

The next few days went by just the same. Every early afternoon she would meet with Theta and they would talk until he told her that he had to go back.

She could feel them growing closer with each passing day. He still wouldn’t tell her where he was from or anything about his personal life, but she was okay with that and respected the fact that he didn’t want to tell her – at least not yet. In all honesty, she didn’t think he ever would but that was almost what made this boy so intriguing to her. He was a complete and utter mystery. Discovering more about him would be like an adventure, she reckoned.

They had been meeting daily for almost a week now. The days Rose was at school, they would meet afterwards, where he would walk her back towards her flat and they would stop off at the park for a bit to sit and talk.

Rose honestly didn’t think she’d felt this happy in her life. She looked forward to every meeting with him and she was excited to see where this would lead to in the long run.

That was, however, until he told her something that she had been expecting to hear, but wished she never would.

“Rose, I have to tell you something.” He told her as he walked her back towards the park.

“What is it?”

“After this week I have to go home.” He said, looking down at the ground rather than at her.

“Really?”

“I am sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” She looked down at her feet. “I guess I kinda knew that you’d have to return home eventually, I just didn’t want to believe it.” She looked up at him then. “Will we be able to meet up one last time?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Good, I’m glad.” She smiled at him. “I’ll plan something for us. You trust me to do that, right?”

“Of course,” Theta smiled at her and she smiled back. It was amazing how much trust he had in her considering they had met less than a week ago.

“Well then, guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” She did something then which was bold in her books and she hoped that Theta wouldn’t see it as a move too far. She stood up on her toes and pressed a light kiss to his left cheek before smiling at him once more (that tongue in tooth grin that she seemed to save only for him) before making her way back to her flat.

Not able to move from his spot, Theta watched her go, his eyes wide in shock. He placed a hand to where Rose had kissed him and allowed himself to smile and blush at her action.

If only tomorrow wasn’t to be their last meeting.

~oOo~

The next morning, Rose awoke early and grabbed her purse from her bag. She checked how much money she had before smiling to herself, realising she had enough for a quick stop to the local corner store for some bits and bobs, before grabbing her clothes for the day and heading for the shower.

When she came out, her mother was already in the kitchen making herself a cup of tea.

“Morning love! What are you doing up this early?”

“Got plans.” Rose told her, grabbing her own mug from the cupboard.

“Plans?” Jackie asked. “You sure these ones are fully thought through? The last thing you want is to have a repeat of last week.” She tutted. “Honestly Rose, I don’t know how you put up with those friends of yours – they’re always letting you down.”

“I’m not meeting Keisha and Shareen today mum – I do have other friends you know.” She smiled to herself as she poured the kettle.

“Oh I know that look, young lady!” Jackie said. “Go on then, who is he? Please tell him he’s better mannered than the last one. Rob, was his name? Awful boy, I tell you!”

“Mum! Just because I’m happy about meeting someone, doesn’t mean I’m meeting a boy!”

“I know you love and I know that look.” She looked at Rose knowingly.

“Alright, fine, so I’m meeting a boy. I’m sixteen, it’s what everyone my age does.”

“Just you be careful. I know what some of them boys are like at your school. I don’t want you coming home one day and crying to me because you’ve fallen pregnant.”

“Mum!”

“Don’t mum me, sweetheart. Like you said, you’re sixteen now.” With that, Jackie left the kitchen leaving a highly embarrassed Rose still in the kitchen.

“I’ll see you later, love!” Jackie called from the hall. “I’ll be home about half eight, I should think. I want you home no later than ten, if you’re going out somewhere with this lad of yours.”

“Bye mum!” Rose called back.

Not long after he mother had left, Rose grabbed her stuff and began to make her way towards the shop. She had a plan in her mind that she hoped Theta would appreciate. It was a simple idea – a picnic in the park. The weather was just right for it, too, which Rose took to be a good sign. She wasn’t sure what she would have decided to do had it been raining. She guessed she could’ve just invited him over while her mother was at work. He didn’t seem to have any preferences as to what they did, so he probably wouldn’t have minded. But thankfully, the weather was on her side for once and Rose was happy that she could do what she wanted for the boy she might never see again after today.

~oOo~

She came home from the shop with three bags of snack-bits and some drinks for the picnic. She toyed with the idea of ‘borrowing’ one of her mother’s wine bottles but decided against it since Jackie would soon discover what she had done and Rose was crap at holding her drink anyway (one party at Shareen’s a few months ago had told her that and she’d been slightly put off alcohol ever since).

Finding the picnic basket that was in her mother’s closet, Rose began to get things together. She made the sandwiches, cutting them into small triangles before putting them into small containers lined with kitchen roll; she then cut up some of the scotch eggs and pork pies; put in a few bags of crisps; some cherry tomatoes and chopped up cucumber and peppers before filling the rest of it up with the sweets, chocolate and fruit that she had bought as afters. Realising that there wasn’t enough room for the fruit juice she had bought, Rose grabbed a second bag and put both cups and the drink into it before setting it all on the breakfast bar and checking her watch.

She was slightly early, but that didn’t matter. She was just eager to get outside and meet Theta again. She hoped that he would be as eager as she was and so wouldn’t have to wait for him too long once she reached their spot in the park.

Leaving the flat with the two bags of food and her own personal bag (containing her camera, as well, as she wanted to have something to remember this day by), Rose began to make her way out of the building. It didn’t take her very long to reach the park area and, to her surprise, she found that Theta was already there waiting for her in the spot that she had first met him a week ago.

“Hi!” Rose called as she walked up to him.

“Hello,” he said giving her a smile as he stood up to greet her. “Why do you have bags?” He asked.

“I made us a picnic.” She replied happily.

“Pic-nic?” He asked, testing the unfamiliar word on his tongue.

“Yeah, basically it’s a large-ish lunch where you sit out in the sunshine and eat. You’ll love it, trust me.”

“I do,”

“Good.” She put down the two bags and sat down on the floor beside him.

“Damn,” she said all of a sudden.

Theta looked at her. He had no idea what the word meant, but he could tell that whatever it was, it wasn’t good.

“What is it?”

“I left the picnic blanket at home.” She sighed. “It doesn’t matter, we’ll just sit on the grass. Thankfully, it’s been dry the past couple of days so it won’t be wet.”

“Here, use this.” Theta said, standing up and pulling off his jacket. He then lay it on the ground beside Rose and gestured for her to sit on it.

“Are you sure?”

“Completely.” He smiled at her and she took up his offer, moving over to sit on his jacket.

“Thank you.”

“Most welcome.”

“Right, well tuck in. I’ve made plenty of sandwiches for the two of us.” Rose said as she unzipped the bag after passing Theta one of the paper plates she had remembered to grab.

Theta waited for Rose to make the first move, unsure about what it was he was supposed to do or what any of the stuff was inside the bag. He saw Rose pick up a box and took out of it a small triangle made from two bits of bread with something on the inside. When she passed the box to him, he took it and looked inside it curiously.

“It’s just a ham sandwich, don’t worry.”

“Uh, okay.”

“You’ve never had a sandwich before, have you?” Rose asked, understanding Theta’s reluctance.

He shook his head.

“Blimey, where have you been living?” Rose said. “Go on, try one, I’m sure you’ll like it. If not I made some cheese ones as well if that’s more to your taste.”

He picked up one of the small sandwiches and tentatively brought it to his mouth and took a small bite. His reluctance dissolved immediately afterwards, Rose noticed, as he took a larger second bite and smiled at her brightly.

“This is delicious!” He said, the food in his mouth making his accent even harder to understand.

“Hey, don’t talk with your mouth full – it’s rude.” She laughed. “Honestly, what did you mother ever teach you?”

“Not a lot,” he replied when he had finished his bite. Rose wanted to ask him more about it, but decided it best not. He hadn’t spoken of his family since they had met – only his brother, and even he was only mentioned in passing comment. No, it was best to leave family matters out of the way and just enjoy the time they had left together.

They carried on in this way for a while. Theta would look at every new food piece with reluctance and curiosity, but tried everything nonetheless – the majority of it he enjoyed (except the pears – he wasn’t sure what the hell they were, but they were not very nice at all).

Rose had also managed to get a few photographs of the two of them while they enjoyed their picnic. She didn’t want to go photo-mad and so had put the camera away after taking her snaps.

Once they were finished eating, Rose lay back, facing the sky, a contented smile on her face.

Copying her, Theta did the same and turned his head to look at her. He realised then just how much he was going to miss this girl. This wonderful, human girl, who he had only known a week, but wondered how on Earth he was going to live without her in his life. He knew he couldn’t tell his brother about her; knew that no one back home would ever approve of the attachment he had formed. Sometimes the rules were not fair and it made him start to resent his people more and more. Everything back home was all rules; there was nothing to look forward to. Nothing other than a lifetime of work and duty – and several of those in fact.

“You okay?” Rose asked softly once she had noticed that Theta was staring at her.

“Yes. I was just thinking how much I am going to miss you.” He told her.

Rose rolled on her side to look at him properly, then. “I’m gonna miss you, too.”

Doing the same thing, Theta rolled over and moved closer to her. Their faces were only inches apart now and Theta felt something that he was sure he was forbidden to feel back at home.

“I wish I didn’t have to go back.”

“Then don’t.”

He laughed at that and pressed his forehead up against hers, causing Rose to gasp.

Whatever it was he was feeling right now, he was sure it wasn’t right. But in that moment, he could think of nothing else than wanting to be with Rose in a way that he knew would be frowned upon. If he was really unlikely, it may even get him thrown out of the Academy, but he found he didn’t really care. He knew they hated him there, anyway. He was only there because he had to be and he rebelled against everything he could. If he every graduated, it would be a miracle.

“Theta,” Rose whispered.

“Rose,” he whispered back.

It seemed as though they were going to lie like that together forever until Rose decided it was time to make a move.

She moved her face up slightly and gently pressed her lips to Theta’s, giving him time to pull away if he wanted to – if she had overstepped the mark. He didn’t though and she soon found that he was kissing her back just as gently.

Both of them were nervous and so went no further just yet. Eventually, Theta was the one to pull away and he looked at Rose with such wonder in his eyes.

“I have never done that before.”

“Me neither – not like that.”

“Back home, this thing is frowned upon. We aren’t meant to fall in love.”

“How come?” Then she realised exactly what he said. “Wait…what?”

He answered her only with a kiss and Rose found that she couldn’t resist.

This time the kiss was deeper and nerves had been completely overtaken with lust on both parts. It was only when Rose felt Theta’s tongue trace the seam of her mouth, asking for entrance that she pulled away.

“If we’re going to do this, I think we better move from the park.” Rose told him with a smile. “There are children here, after all!”

“Quite,”

“Come on, follow me, I know where we can go.”

~oOo~

She walked him back to her flat, hand in hand, with Theta offering to take the bags from her. She felt giddy excitement as she led him up the stairs and across to her front door; her heart was beating quickly and she wanted nothing more than to get them both inside so they could continue what they had been just doing.

Once she had unlocked the door, she pulled Theta inside, shutting it behind her. Rose smiled at him as he looked around at the walls of the small hallway in awe. It never ceased to amaze her as to how his boy found wonder in the most mundane of things. She wished once more that she knew more about his home.

“This is where you live?” Theta asked as Rose led him towards the living room.

Rose smiled again (though she hadn’t really stopped). “Yeah, dunno why you’re so in awe of it, mind; it’s nothing special. ‘S just a flat.”

“Flat?”

“Yeah, you never heard of a flat before?”

“Never,”

“Theta, where are you from?” She asked, sitting down on the sofa. Theta took the hint and followed her lead, sitting next to her. “I mean, you ask all these questions about the things I say – and I get that English isn’t your first language – and sometimes you seem so curious and confused about the smallest of things. Take the picnic from earlier.”

“I cannot say.” He told her and Rose could tell that there was a hint of regret behind his words.

“How come?” She asked softly.

“You would not have heard of it.” He replied.

“Is it some small island somewhere which is secretive to the rest of the world but is more powerful than people imagine?” There was a hint of excitement in her voice, though Theta couldn’t understand why.

He seemed to think her words over for a moment before settling on his answer. “Yes,” he replied. “Now, can I kiss you again?”

Rose giggled at the impatience in his voice and allowed him to press his lips against her own. She felt, rather than heard, the hum he let out as she started to kiss him back. For someone so young and inexperienced, Rose was surprised at how good of a kisser he was.

Their kiss deepened and, this time, when Rose felt Theta’s tongue trace her lips, she opened her mouth slightly to let him in. She moaned in pleasure as he explored her mouth thoroughly, quickly letting her own tongue battle with his for dominance – though she was completely content at being submissive.

Neither of them had really realised it until they pulled away from each other to breathe, but Rose was now laying on the sofa with Theta hovering over her; his deep blue eyes darker than she had ever seen them before. He was breathing heavily and just staring at her.

“I confess that I have no idea what to do.” He stated and Rose just smiled gently.

“Whatever comes naturally to you.” She replied with complete seriousness.

He smiled at her before shifting so his body was completely hovering over hers. He then kissed her again, both deeply and briefly before moving his lips to kiss at her jaw and neck.

Rose closed her eyes, allowing her arousal to flood through her as she moved her neck to allow Theta better access.

She jumped slightly in surprise as she felt Theta’s hand travel under the shirt she was wearing, his fingers moving upwards across her stomach. She felt him stop and remove his hand slowly when he noticed.

“Don’t stop, your hand was just colder than I expected.”

“Sure?” He asked, looking at her.

“More than.” She took hold of the top he was wearing and used it to pull his lips back to hers. She felt his hand travel higher under her shirt, pushing it up as he did so.

When Rose felt his hands skim across the material of her bra she decided that it time she repaid him the favour and began to let her hands roam underneath his own top. She stroked the subtle muscles of his stomach before grabbing his shirt at the bottom and trying to pull it over his head.

Theta tore his lips from hers to aid her in her mission, allowing Rose to discard of his shirt before she helped him remove her own.

Theta seemed to stare at her bra-cladded breasts for a moment or two before leaning down to kiss the soft skin that had only just been revealed to him.

Rose groaned in pleasure as she felt his suck at the top of one of her breasts. She was aware that she was going to have a mark there for some time after this but, right in this moment, she couldn’t care less.

Moving back up to her lips, Theta pulled her up so that he reach behind her, his hands finding the clasp of her bra in no time at all. He had trouble trying to undo the garment, however.

“Do you need a hand?” Rose asked, pulling away and giggling slightly at him.

“I don’t know how to undo it.” He admitted.

“Don’t worry, I’ll help you.” Rose said, reaching behind her and expertly undoing the clasp, allowing the material to loosen around her.

Diving back in to kiss her, Theta used his fingers to pull the straps from her arms and letting the piece of clothing fall off the sofa onto the floor.

He then, with no warning, moved straight from her mouth to her right breast, causing Rose to gasp in pleasure at the feel of his lips closing around her nipple. She moaned loudly as he started to suck and nip at the same spot.

As he moved on to give her left nipple the same treatment as her right, Rose could feel the damp spot between her legs grow even more prominent. Never in her life had she felt this aroused before and there was no way she wanted to stop where this was going. Sure, she had been kissed a few times before – some had even wanted to go further with her, though she had never let them – but not one of those had made her feel the way she was feeling now.

She rubbed her thighs together in order to alleviate some of the tension she was feeling. Theta seemed to notice her discomfort as he pulled away and looked at her.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, just needy.” She replied with a smile.

“What do you need?” He was so oblivious to everything.

“You,” she replied simply.

“Me?” Rose nodded.

“I…I’m not sure what else to do. This isn’t something that happens between my people. I cannot understand why…it feels…good.”

“It’s alright, I’ll guide you.” Rose giggled at him.

Theta went in to kiss her again, but this time, Rose pulled back quickly, resting a hand on his stomach.

“I think we should move this somewhere else.” She told him. “Don’t think my mum’s sofa’s the best place for a shag.”

He looked at her for a moment, not really knowing what she meant by that last bit, but followed her out of the living room nevertheless. He was excited by the prospect of what was happening – not that he had any idea as to what was going on – and was happy to let her lead the way.

~oOo~

“I promise, one day I shall return.” Theta told them as they lay together in Rose’s bed, having recovered from their climaxes not long before. Rose was laying with her head resting on his left shoulder, her arm wrapped around his middle. Theta was content with wrapping his arms around her own shoulders, gently running his hands through her matted light brown hair.

“When will that be?”

“I cannot say.”

“There’s a lot of things you can’t say.” Rose said deflated.

“I cannot say because I don’t know.” He told her honestly. “I live very far away and freedom to travel is a privilege. I need to earn that before I can have my own vessel.”

“Can’t you just, I dunno, steal a car or something?”

Theta laughed at that.

“Maybe…I would have to practice my thieving skills.”

They spent a few seconds in silence before Theta spoke again, his voice low and full of sorrow.

“I should go now. My brother will be wondering where I have gone.”

“Please don’t go.”

“I don’t want to go, but I have to.” He told her, placing a kiss to the top of her head as he felt her grip on him tighten.

“Please Theta,” Rose pleaded, though she knew it was futile.

“I’m sorry, Rose, I really am.” He told her, moving so he could escape her hold.

Eventually, she let him go and watched as he grabbed his clothes from the floor. His shirt was still in the living room so he left quickly to get it.

While he was gone, Rose thought had he wasn’t going to come back and say goodbye, but he returned a moment later, now wearing his shirt once more and threw her her own shirt and bra.

“One last walk?” He asked with a smile.

“One last walk,” Rose agreed, getting dressed and following him out of the house.

They walked in silence, hand in hand, to the area which they had met only a week ago. The last seven days had gone by so fast and yet they felt like a lifetime. Neither of them wanted to come to terms with the idea that this was goodbye.

“You cannot come with me from here. My brother, he cannot see you. Cannot know that I have been with you.” Theta told her sadly.

“It’s okay.” Theta then drew her into a tight hug.

“Goodbye Rose Tyler.”

“Goodbye Theta Sigma.” Rose replied with tears in her eyes. “Will I ever see you again?”

“I hope so. Like I said, one day I will return.”

“I’ll wait for you.”

“Have a good life in the meantime, though. Don’t spend your days waiting for me.” Theta told her with earnest.

“I will.”

Nothing more was said between them, the kiss the Theta gave her then spoke all the words they could have said. It was a kiss of goodbye, but also a kiss full of promise. And, as Rose watched him walk away, she smiled to herself.

Theta Sigma was one hell of a mystery, but she couldn’t deny what she felt for him right then. She would wait for his return and, one day, she would solve the mystery of who this boy really was.

It was possible that she had just met the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

It was a shame that the events that followed were to taint her memory of this forever.

Taint them, yes, but eradicate them completely?

Never.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I lied...this is going to be more than five chapters long. It's these background chapters! I wrote a list of everything I wanted to include about Rose's background and thought: "this'll be fine as just one chapter." Nope, that is not how this has worked... there are still 11 more points to cover in some way. So another background chapter on Rose after this. I'm thinking this might be about seven or eight chapters now...but I think it's best I stop speculating :)
> 
> It's also not easy writing about something that hasn't happened to you personally or anyone you know well, so I apologise if my facts are slightly off. This will become very important next chapter, I suspect. But none of what Rose is going through I have been through in any way, just so you are aware. 
> 
> Enjoy and I'll try and get the next chapter up soon! :)

_London – Early 2000s (three weeks later)_

It was the fifth morning in a row that Rose had woken up early, rushing to the bathroom, and emptying the contents of her stomach into the porcelain toilet bowl.

At first she had assumed it to be the doing of a bug she had picked up at school somewhere or was the result from the amount of stress she had been under lately. That, and she had also been missing Theta more than she thought she would. It had been three weeks now since she had seen him last and she had no way of keeping in touch with him; he had always refused to tell her where he came from and had never given her anything as simple as a number.

But no, there was no doubting that it was beginning to look like something else entirely. Rose thought back to the last day she had spent with Theta and what had happened between them. Could it be that she was…? No, she couldn’t be, surely? She was too scared to find out – what would her mother say for starters? But there signs were all there: she was sick constantly, tired constantly and had even worked out that she was late. Her monthly cycle had never been something she had been particularly good at keeping track of, but even without the most regular cycle she knew that she should’ve started by now.

Tears welled up in her eyes and, eventually, she stopped throwing up. She knew she had to find out, this wasn’t going to go away. For all she knew right now, there was nothing to worry about and she wasn’t pregnant.

But that didn’t stop her from worrying.

After all, like already said, the signs were all there.

Thankfully, her mother had either stopped noticing Rose’s morning trips to the bathroom or Rose had just gotten better at being quiet (it was probably the latter, let’s be honest). It was a blessing really. It meant Rose could go back to bed for a few hours and not worry Jackie too much when she awoke. Despite that, Rose knew that Jackie could tell something was up with her daughter. It was mother’s intuition and Jackie had a lot of it. However, Rose was more than thankful that her mother was someone who would wait for her to talk first.

~oOo~

When Rose awoke again at a more reasonable time, the first thing she noticed was that the flat was silent.

Rolling over, she checked the time on her bedside clock, it read: _12:48._ Her mother would be at work now then.

Breathing a sigh of relief at not having to face her mother straight away, Rose forced herself out of bed and into the bathroom for a shower. She was still feeling groggy and a little queasy but, for the most part, she felt alright. A shower would do her good and then some toast. She had learnt – very quickly – that anything more than toast in the morning and her stomach would rebel. It was ridiculous how many times she had thrown up on the way to school in the last few days alone.

Coming out of the shower, Rose quickly got dressed in the nearest things to hand, not bothering if anything matched or not. As she did, she felt her heart beating fast with nerves. She knew she had to go down to the shop down the road and buy a test but the mere thought of finding out scared the shit out her. What if she really was pregnant, what then? She was sixteen!

Grabbing her bag, Rose almost legged it out of the flat. She felt sick with anxiety and she wanted nothing more than to curl back up in bed and sleep until all of this blew over. Maybe this was just some kind of dream and none of it had ever happened? Maybe she never met Theta and she wouldn’t be in this position right now, walking down the road, to the shop to buy a pregnancy test.

Opening the door, Rose took in a deep breath and made her way inside. The first thing she noticed as she entered the shop was who was on the till. Thankfully, it was a guy, no older than herself, whom she had never seen before. That made it a bit easier, she guessed. The last thing she wanted was to have one of the regular cashiers on who knew both her and her mother. She didn’t need her mother finding out what she was doing through someone else. She’d definitely be in for it then.

Buying the first test she came across, just wanting to get this over with, Rose made her way up to the till and placed the item on the counter. She quickly got out her money, not even attempting to look the cashier in the eye for fear of being judged.

And that was the thing, if she was pregnant, she was going to have to live with the judgemental glances and comments that would inevitably happen once people found out. She was young – not even out of school – and, it wouldn’t matter what she told anyone, she would still be labelled as everyone in her situation was.

Having paid for the item and handed her change, Rose said nothing and left the store with the test now in her bag, out of the sight of prying eyes. She almost ran back to the flat, trying not to look at anyone in case they could tell what it was she was she had just bought and who for. It was stupid and irrational, she knew, but it didn’t make her feel any less anxious.

~oOo~

Returning home, Rose wasted no time in dumping her bag and making her way into the bathroom.

As she opened the packaging, she couldn’t stop her hands from shaking. She was shaking so badly that, on several occasions, she very nearly dropped the test in her hands onto the tiled floor below.

Eventually she had it open and was hastily trying to read the instructions and how it worked.

Finally she took a deep breath and did what she had to do.

Coming out of the bathroom, Rose put the white stick next to her as she sat down on the edge of her bed. She had to wait a few minutes for it to tell her the news she needed to know. All she wanted was to know right away; all this waiting around was just making her more and more anxious – so anxious in fact that she thought she might start having a panic attack if she didn’t get her breathing under control.

God, she wished it was good news.

Finally, the waiting time was up and Rose nervously looked down at the stick next to her and picked it up with shaky hands. It was now or never, she guessed, as she brought it to eye level so she could read what it said.

And all she was throw the offending stick across the room.

Pregnant. She was pregnant. Pregnant with a child whose father she barely even knew.

Rose curled up on her bed, as tight as she could, wanting to look anywhere but where the test had landed, and buried her head in her pillow. She sobbed loudly, not caring then and there if her mother came back and saw what it was she was crying about.

Fuck, she had messed up. Big time. Just how the hell was she going to tell her mother?

The thought of her mother made her cry harder. She had told her to be careful – had said it moments before she had met Theta on that last day – but did she listen? No, of course she didn’t and now she was in this mess. Her mother would be ashamed of her; disappointed and ashamed. Rose didn’t know whether Jackie would just shout at her or not say a word…quite frankly, she wasn’t sure which was worse.

Getting her breathing under control, Rose stood up from her bed and went over to grab the test from the floor. She didn’t have to tell her mother straight away, did she? She could leave it some time, just so she could prepare herself for Jackie’s inevitable reaction.

How could she have let this happen?

~oOo~

The sound of the door slamming made Rose cringe in fear. She had known that her mother would not take the news of her daughter’s pregnancy well.

It had been three days since Rose had found out herself and Jackie had been starting to get even more suspicious. She finally came out and asked what was wrong when Rose had tried to eat dinner that morning but hadn’t been able to stomach it for any longer than fifteen minutes. However, it was the tone in Jackie’s voice as she asked her daughter what was going on once she had come out of the bathroom that suggested to Rose she already had an incline. She had been through this before, Rose obviously knew, so it would be stupid for her to think that Jackie wouldn’t eventually cotton on to what Rose was going through.

That was, of course, when Rose had come clean and told her – through many tears and sobs of apologies – that she was pregnant.

As one might expect, that was when Jackie had hit the roof.

“You’re what?!” Jackie had all but screeched at Rose as she stood by the bathroom door looking much younger than her sixteen years.

“I’m sorry, mum.” Had been all Rose could say, not wanting to repeat herself.

“Who’s the father?” Jackie had asked, hotly.

Rose had just shook her head, not wanting to answer.

“Is it that guy you were seeing a few weeks ago?”

Again, Rose had said nothing, which only confirmed Jackie’s suspicions.

“It is, isn’t it?” She had to pause to take a breath. “How the hell did this happen, Rose? I told you to be careful! I thought you were a clever girl, but this is just about the stupidest thing you could do. I…I just don’t believe this is happening.”

“I’m sorry,”

“There’s no use saying sorry now, though, is there? It’s happened! This isn’t something that can be undone just like that.”

“What do I do?” Rose had asked, timidly.

“You are going to stay here. I, on the other hand, need to get my head around this.”

That was when the door had slammed, leaving Rose very much on her own.

At least Jackie hadn’t given her a whole lecture on how she had ruined her life by this one mistake.

No, that came later and, as you can imagine, it included all the things Rose had been expecting:

“That’s it, you know. You can forget any big career you might have wanted, because that’s gone. You can forget about taking you’re A Levels, too, as well because how are you going to manage that while bringing up a child? You can’t. You’re going to be stuck in a dead-end job for the rest of your life, all because you were too stupid to bother using a condom!

“And where is this father then? Bet he’s God-knows where. It’s alright for him, he can continue with his life while you grind to a halt. Go on, tell me I’m wrong; tell me he’s just about to walk in here, ask you to move in with him so you can go and play happy families. He’s not, is he? He left you before he even knew.”

“He’s coming back,” Rose said shyly. Theta had told her he was coming back. True, he didn’t know about the baby, but he had told her that one day he would return.

“He’s coming back? And how do you know that?” Jackie asked.

“Cos he said he was.”

“And you believe him?”

“Yes,”

Jackie sighed. “I never took you as a fool Rose, but stop kidding yourself. He’s gone and he’s not coming back and now you’re left to pick up the pieces.”

“You don’t know him like I do! I know he’s coming back!” Rose’s voice had risen how; she wasn’t going to let her mother talk to her like this forever.

“You really believe that?”

Rose nodded, though, in all honesty, she was starting to doubt even that now.

“Mum, I know I messed up and I am really, truly sorry.” She looked at her mother in the eye. “But please, don’t doubt me. I need you right now, I can’t do this on my own.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “I’m scared. I know you hate me right now; I know I’ve disappointed you…” Rose found it hard to carry on as sobs started attacking her.

Jackie looked at her daughter softly. Did she honestly think she hated her? Yes, she was disappointed; yes, she was angry. But she could never hate her.

“Come here, love.” Jackie said, bringing Rose into a tight hug. “I’m sorry. I know you’re scared and I know it’s hard. Yes, I am disappointed in you, but at no point am I going to let you do this on your own.” She sighed, thinking carefully about her next question. It had been something she had been wondering about since Rose had first told her she was pregnant. It wasn’t an easy thing to suggest, but she needed Rose to know that there was the option and that she was support her should she decide to take it.

“Rose, have you considered having an abortion?” Jackie asked carefully.

Rose pulled back and looked Jackie in the eye. “I can’t.”

“Rose…”

“No, I won’t. I can’t. I know I messed up; I know what I did was stupid and is going to have consequences. But I can’t have an abortion. Please don’t make me have one; I want this baby. I’m not putting it up for adoption either.” Rose cried.

“Rose, no one is going to make you have one if that’s not what you want.” Jackie told her, brushing hair from her daughter’s face. “I just want you to know that the option is there should you decide it’s the best option. And I want you to know that I’ll support you with whatever you decide.”

“Thank you,” Rose hugged her mother again. “But I’ve made up my mind, I am having this child. Because one day’ll he’ll be back, I just know it.”

“Alright,”

However, both of them knew that, for the foreseeable future, it was just the two of them in this.

~oOo~

 

It wasn’t long before the rumours started.

School was the worst place. With Rose still suffering badly from morning sickness, it was almost impossible to hide. The school body had been notified and her teachers told. That was almost worse than the rest of the students knowing. Every class Rose went to, it would feel as though her teacher would stare right at her, judging her for what had happened. It was the same every time she passed a student too, where they were in her year or not; whether they knew her or not.

Shareen and Keisha knew for definite. Rose had told them. And despite being girls for gossip, they had kept their word when Rose had told them not to tell anyone. They could both tell that Rose needed this to be kept a secret and so they never spoke about it around others. They both helped her when she was sick at school, never leaving her rushing to the toilet alone. They would tell anyone to back off and mind their own business if someone started to ask too many questions. Honestly, Rose couldn’t ask for better friends.

But it still didn’t stop the typical playground gossip and Rose was thankful that there were only a few days left before study leave. She was looking forward to only having to come in for exams.

And that was another thing. Because of the sickness, Rose was having to take her exams in isolation, away from the rest of the student body, at a different time because there was no way that she was going to be able to get through a nine am exam. It suited her just fine, though. The further away she was from everyone else and their snarky comments, the better.

During the time of her exams, Rose had been lucky enough to secure herself a job at Henrik’s. Considering the situation she was in, Rose had been lucky to get anything but, apparently they had been desperate and Rose was of the right age that they wanted working in their store; plus she had already done some work experience with them, so they knew her and her work ethic. To secure the job, Rose had told them that, if the job was part time, she wouldn’t bother with maternity leave. However, they told her that it was an entailment that she was deserved and that they would still give her a few weeks off once the child was born.

Having come out with a job, Rose wasn’t in the least bit bothered how long she got. She just didn’t want to have to continue depending on her mother. Not when it was her own fault she was in this mess in the first place.

During those weeks and the weeks that followed, Rose heard nothing from Theta. How she would hear anything was beyond her, but there was still no sign that he was coming back.

Still, it was early days yet, and Rose wasn’t about to give up hope.

~oOo~

“Mum, I’m nervous.” Rose said as her mother led her through the corridors towards where Rose was about to have her first scan.

“I know, sweetheart.” Jackie told her. “I was, too, when me and your father were here the first time. But, honestly, as soon as you see that image of your child, the nerves won’t be there anymore. Trust me.” Jackie gave her daughter’s hand a squeeze. “Now, are you sure you don’t want me in there with you?”

“I’m sure. This is something I have to do on my own.” Rose told her. “Next time, I promise.”

“Okay, I’ll let you go, but I want to see the photo when you’re done. Don’t go hiding my own grandchild from me, now!”

Rose just laughed and headed into the room with the nurse while Jackie stayed where she was.

As she walked in the room, Rose couldn’t help but think about how supportive her mother was being. All anger that had been there when Rose had first told her she was having a baby was now gone and she was a doting grandmother-to-be. She couldn’t have asked for anything more and she knew how lucky she was.

“How are you today, Rose? My name’s Amanda.” The nurse asked as she gestured for Rose to sit on the examination table.

“Nervous,” was all Rose could say in reply.

“I know, but you don’t have to be. Honestly, it’s going to be fine.” Amanda smiled at her before gathering her instruments and coming up to Rose. “How’s it going so far?”

“Okay, I think. I don’t really know.”

“Sure,” Amanda nodded. “You been getting any morning sickness at all?”

“Everyday…it’s been alright though. I’m coping.”

“That’s good to hear and, don’t worry, it’ll pass soon enough hopefully.” Amanda turned on the ultrasound machine next to Rose. “Now, let’s see how your baby is doing, eh?”

The next few moments seemed to go by in a blur as Amanda scanned Rose’s abdomen in search of the child that sat within her. When she came across something which Rose struggled to work out what it was, she stopped and turned to her.

“It’s not much yet, but there, in the centre, is your baby. And everything is looking normal, which is all good.” Amanda pointed at the shape in the middle of the screen and Rose had to strain to see make anything out of it. When she realised what she was looking at, her face slip in two as she grinned at the screen beside her.

“Do you want to hear the babies’ heartbeats?”

“Heartbeats?” Rose asked. “As in plural?” Surely not…?

“Yep, there’s two. You, Rose, are going to be having twins.”

“B…but…”

Amanda could tell that this was a shock, so she did her best to reassure Rose. “Hey, I know it’s a shock and I know this means that it’s going to feel like there’s more pressure on you but, honestly, there’s nothing to worry about. Here, listen.”

Two heartbeats filled Rose’s ears as she listened closely. It was faint and echo-like but there were definitely two.

“The heartbeats are a dead giveaway in this case since one of the babies seems to be hiding. I’m sure in a future scan you’ll be able to see both of them together. It’s still quite early, yet.” Amanda looked at Rose, noticing that the teenager had gone quiet. “You okay?”

“Yeah…I think so. But…twins?”

Amanda laughed light-heartedly. At least Rose wasn’t rejecting the idea of having two children. “I know, it’ll take some time to sink in. Do you want me to tell your mum?”

“No,” Rose said, a little harder than intended. “No,” she said again, softer this time. “I’ll tell her. Once I’ve got my own head around it, then I’ll tell her. She’s already had one big shock in the last few months, I don’t want to overload her with anymore just now.”

“Okay, but make sure you do tell her. It’ll be better coming from you anyway.” Amanda told her. “Well, that’s us about done. Would you like a picture to take with you?”

“Yes please, mum’ll kill me if I don’t.” She gave a small laugh, but Rose’s mind was still reeling after what she had just found out.

Passing a photograph to Rose, Amanda got up and started to clean Rose’s stomach of the gel she had put on. Once Rose was ready, she waved goodbye to the young girl and watched as she left the room.

Outside, Jackie was waiting by the door. She smiled as Rose came out holding a photograph in her hand.

“How’d it go?” Jackie asked.

“Fine, everything’s normal.” Rose said. She couldn’t tell her mother yet, she just couldn’t.

“You okay?”

Rose looked up at her mother. “Yeah, why?”

“You looked very shocked, love.” Jackie said.

“I’ve just seen my baby for the first time.” Rose countered with a small smile. “It puts everything into perspective now.”

“I know,” Jackie said giving her daughter a hug. “Now, let’s see this photo. I want to know what my grandchild looks like right now.”

Rose handed her mother the photograph and watched as Jackie’s face broke out into a large smile. Rose couldn’t help but smile, too. It was infectious. And, despite the shock that she had just found out that she would be having not one child, but two, Rose couldn’t be happier.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snippets of what life was like for Rose in the years prior to her meeting the Ninth Doctor, as told from Jackie's point of view

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, like the summary says, this chapter is from Jackie's perspective rather than Rose's. I deliberately did this due to the nature of the subject I'm dealing with and the fact that I thought it might be interesting to see what might be like watching someone you love battle with their demons. I thought it might be safer bet rather than trying to get inside Rose's head. I don't know a lot about this subject and it's not something that any amount of reading will help with. I hope it's alright.
> 
> This chapter is also the last of the flashbacks into Rose's backstory and goes right up to when she first met the Doctor. I'm not sure yet whether the next chapter will be another flashback (from Theta's point of view) or whether we will rejoin the Doctor and Jackie in the kitchen after the bombshell I left you with back in chapter two. If I decide not to do a flashback with Theta then I will probably land up writing a separate one-shot or something to pair with this story. I'll have a skim through what I've got and see what'll fit best. 
> 
> Please enjoy and let me know what you think :)
> 
> Thank you

The day Rose had been rushed to hospital and told that she had miscarried was a day that Jackie knew would stay with her for the rest of her life.

Looking back, Jackie wished she had noticed something wasn’t quite right earlier, but there hadn’t been anything she could’ve done to prevent it from happening. However, she wished that she had known that something hadn’t been quite right. That way she might not have found Rose in the state that she had been in.

In actual fact, it had been Mickey Smith to have found Rose before Jackie. He and Rose had been friends ever since they had been kids, running around the estate playing all sorts of games. Mickey was a few years older than Rose and would often offer to baby sit if Jackie needed someone. And, since Rose had fallen pregnant, Mickey had offered to look after her and had been involved ever since he had found out. Jackie was well aware of Mickey’s feelings towards Rose since they had grown up and had been more than happy to let him in.

And because of Mickey’s dedication to looking after her daughter, she had got him a key cut so that he could pop by whenever. It had been a decision that Rose had been involved with, too, which had made Mickey all the more willing to take it.

Thankfully, it had turned out to be a very good idea indeed, since, one day, Mickey had gone round to see Rose whilst Jackie was at work, only to find that Rose had collapsed.

Needless to say, the phone call Jackie received from Mickey an hour later, telling her that he had Rose was at the hospital and that Rose had passed out due to blood loss, was one of the worst calls Jackie had ever had to receive in her life.

~oOo~

“Hello?” Jackie said as she answered her mobile, mainly so she could shut the thing up. It was Mickey. As much as she was pleased that he was around at a time like this, if this was another call to tell her that she had run out of milk…

“Jackie, it’s Rose. You need to get yourself to the hospital.”

“What?! What’s happened? Mickey, tell me what’s happened!” Jackie almost screamed down the phone as she ran to get her bag from her locker. Her colleagues and customers stared at her in confusion and worry, but she ignored them all, focused on what Mickey was telling her down the line.

“She collapsed. I found her on the floor when I arrived at yours. I don’t know what’s happened, but I noticed blood stains when I saw her. I’ve got a horrible feeling it’s something to do with the baby.” Mickey explained hurriedly, he was clearly panicking but trying to keep it restrained for Jackie’s sake.

“Shit.” Was all Jackie could say as she realised what must have happened. “I’m on my way. Tell her I’m coming.”

“Already have, but I’ll tell her again. The doctors are with her now.”

“Good. I’ll be there in a minute.” Jackie hung up, not waiting to hear Mickey’s reply. She grabbed her bag and legged it to the nearest bus stop, barely managing to tell her boss that she had to go as she left the building. She didn’t care if she heard her or not, explanations could be dealt with later; right now, her mind was on one thing and one thing only: getting to Rose as soon as humanly possible.

She arrived at the hospital half an hour later, having legged it from the bus to the reception desk where she was then guided to the right ward.

She immediately saw Mickey sitting in the waiting area whose head snapped round once he saw Jackie come in.

“How is she?” Jackie asked urgently, not bothering with any form of greeting.

“The doctor said that she’s asleep. She’s lost quite a bit of blood, not so much to cause any serious problems but enough to make her pass out.” Mickey sighed and looked down, sadly. “She’s had a miscarriage, Jackie.”

“Can I see her?” Was Jackie’s only reaction, having already worked out that it had to have been something like this that had happened.

Mickey nodded. “Yeah, she’s just in there.” He pointed at one of the closed curtains directly in front of them. “I came out a few minutes ago. I wanted to tell you what had happened myself. Thought it might be better for you to hear it from me than from one of the doctors or nurses.”

“Thank you,” Jackie told him sincerely before making her way towards the curtain and pulling it back.

“That’s okay.” Mickey replied, following her lead.

Behind the curtain, Rose was indeed still asleep. There was a nurse standing next to one of the machines, checking the readings for whatever it was that she was looking at. When she noticed that she was no longer alone, she turned around and faced Jackie with a solemn look.

“I assume Mr Smith here has already told you what’s happened?” She asked.

“Yeah, he just told me.” Jackie nodded. “Does she know yet?” She asked nodded down at Rose and she walked up to the side of the bed and sat down on the seat next to it.

“We haven’t told her yet, since she’s been unconscious most of the time.” The nurse told her. “However, it might be better coming from you. It’s not going to be an easy thing for her to hear.”

Jackie nodded and took hold of her daughter’s hand. Rose looked extremely pale, but as Jackie sat there with her, she gradually began to regain colour.

As Rose slept, Jackie wondered how on earth she was going to tell her that she had lost her child. It may have not been part of Rose’s plan for the next few years, but it was something that she had been looking forward to more and more, and now that had been taken away from her. Jackie was worried that it would take Rose an awfully long time to accept this; she just hoped that her daughter was going to be okay.

~oOo~

As it happened, Rose had taken to the news extremely badly. So badly, in fact, that just over a month later, she had been diagnosed with depression.

Jackie was at a loss at what to do. Nothing seemed to be helping her daughter. She had tried talking to Rose, trying to get her to open up about how it was she was feeling, but that had fallen through very early on, as had telling her that everything was going to be alright.

Mickey had tried, too, but to no avail. Rose seemed to have shut herself off from everyone and was refusing to let anyone through the walls she had built around herself. It was awful to think that this had happened to someone so young and both Mickey and Jackie had felt a streak of hatred flow through them, directed at the person who had been the cause of all this. The person who neither of them knew much about and it seemed that was never going to change.

That had been another technique Jackie had tried: she had tried getting Rose to talk about the father of her child, hoping that it might get her to talk about something – anything. Rose had been adamant from the start that the pregnancy hadn’t been the result of someone hurting her in anyway and, before the miscarriage, Jackie had gotten an insight into how her daughter might have felt towards the man who had left. She wasn’t entirely sure she thought her daughter was necessarily in love with him, but, considering she was so hung up on the idea that he was coming back, Jackie had assumed that there was something there. However, it also didn’t necessarily mean that she agreed with the way her daughter felt. She wasn’t keen on the idea that her daughter was so hung up on a guy who hadn’t even told her where he was from. When asked, Rose had simply said that he had had his reasons for not telling her. What they were was as much of a mystery to her as it was to Jackie.

But like everything else she had tried, that, too, had failed.

Eventually a psychiatrist had been issued in to try and get through to Rose, but Rose hadn’t spoken to her, either. The woman – Gill – had, too been through a second trimester miscarriage and had been in the same place as Rose; thinking that it was somehow her fault and that there was something that she could’ve done to prevent it from happening. Obviously, there had been nothing she could do and she had told Rose that, despite thinking she could never go through it again, she now had three wonderful children.

Rose, however, hadn’t listened to a word and continued to shut everything out; continuing on with her life almost robotically now.

~oOo~

The months went by and Jackie could see that her daughter wasn’t getting any better. She had been given antidepressants and had eventually had to temporarily leave her job at Henrik’s due to her mental state – some days just seeming as though it was impossible for her to leave the relative comfort of her bed.

One afternoon, when Rose had decided to make an increasingly rare appearance to the kitchen to grab some food, Jackie asked if she wanted to go into town for the day – just the two of them.

“No,” Rose replied quietly, quickly plating food in a way that suggested she didn’t want to be in the kitchen any longer than she needed to be.

“Rose, love, please.” Jackie pleaded. “You need to get out; this can’t go on.”

“Why can’t it?”

“Because you’re slowly killing yourself.” Jackie told her, and it was true. Rose barely ate anything anymore, her weight had dropped considerably in the last few months. It was all due to the depression she had since the miscarriage four months ago. “You’re wasting away right in front of me, Rose. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to watch that happen? I’ve tried everything I can to help you, but you won’t help yourself.”

“Maybe I don’t want to.”

Jackie felt like screaming; like shaking Rose until she snapped out of her own head. But she didn’t; she knew that this had to be dealt with delicately, and she knew that the majority of it had to come from Rose herself. There was only so much help that people like Jackie or Mickey or even Shareen and Keisha could give her (for they, too, had been doing their all); if Rose didn’t want it, then nothing they could do would help. She had to want to get better; it just trying to get her to see it.

“Don’t you want to get better? Don’t you want to be able to live your life again? Surely, you can’t want this to go on for the rest of your life. You’re sixteen, Rose. I know this was all unplanned and I know getting pregnant wasn’t what you wanted to do; I know that you changed your plans on the basis of bringing the baby into the world, but why not consider the options that you had before? Why not go back to school and take you’re A Levels? Why not start building up a pot of money to help fund all that travelling you once wanted to do? Why not put this behind you and start again?” Jackie had said all this to Rose before, but she was at breaking point right now and it was all she had to try and get her daughter to see that things didn’t have to be this way.

“Are you saying that I should just forget that this ever happened?” Rose shot back.

“No, of course I’m not! This isn’t something that you could ever forget and it’s not something that I think you should. This has been a major event in your life and, while it’s not something I know you want to remember, it’s something that you should remember. Because, if you remember the strength it took you to climb up from the bottom, then you’ll always feel as though you can do anything if you put your mind to it.”

“Thanks for the pep talk, mum, but I really don’t need it.” Rose said, picking up her plate and leaving the kitchen, leaving a frustrated and very worried Jackie behind.

What would happen if she never got through to Rose? She wasn’t sure how much longer she could deal with this before she snapped. If that happened, what would that mean for Rose?

~oOo~

Months eventually turned into years and Rose was now back at work; having eventually come to the realisation that she needed to get her life back on track. It hadn’t been an easy decision, and the first few weeks had been notoriously difficult. She had come home on some days, in tears, telling her mother that she couldn’t go back; that she couldn’t take the looks that she thought the people there gave her. But she always went back and, soon enough, the nights spent in tears holding a mug of tea soon faded away.

Jackie could see that her daughter had come a long way since that day in the hospital, but she still wasn’t the girl she had been before all of this. Jackie often saw a longing in her eye; a longing that she wondered would ever go away. She had been extremely pleased when the doctors had said that they would start to ween Rose off her medication slowly, hoping that things might suddenly turn around for the better. However, it was a long and drawn-out process and Jackie knew that things weren’t going to get better overnight.

Six months ago, Mickey had decided that he was going to take Rose away on holiday. Jackie had readily agreed to the decision (although she couldn’t disguise the fact that she was worried about what could happen) and a week later the two of them were on their way to Paris.

When they returned, it was then that they had told Jackie that they were now officially together and, after the months of speculation from Jackie herself, she couldn’t have been happier for the two of them. It was a massive step for Rose in her recovery; being in a relationship suggested that she was finally coming to terms with everything and that she was actively making a decision to try and move away from the past and start living in the present. The fact that Mickey had been through it all with her and so knew how to look after her if things could rough was even better. It meant that there was no having to explain to someone about any of it and Rose could finally leave that part of her life behind her.

And it seemed to work.

For the most part.

Despite having seen her daughter improve even quicker since the trip to Paris, Jackie knew that there was something missing in her life. It was a longing to leave, to move away and really start afresh. She could tell that Rose’s job bored her to tears some days and the frustration of the mundane had really started to kick in.

It didn’t help that Mickey had no desire to leave the area any time soon. His job as a mechanic suited him well and he was much more at home here than Rose was. But they never seemed to talk about it. Had things gone to the original plan, Rose would probably be at University now or travelling the globe like Jackie knew she had once wanted to do but, because of everything that had happened and the last few years that they had all been through, it meant that none of that had become a reality. Jackie knew that Rose had thought about returning to school more and more in the last few months, but because of work and the stress of it, she hadn’t felt as though she could cope right now. At least, that was what she had told Jackie. Jackie, however, knew that it was because Rose was waiting for something else to happen. No one knew what – not even Rose herself it seemed – but it didn’t stop Jackie from wondering if she was still waiting on the boy that had been the cause of all this three years ago. One day, she would meet him and she would tell him about everything the mess that he had caused. She didn’t think she could ever forgive him for what he had done to her daughter.

~oOo~

_March 2005_

She’d heard about it before Rose had returned home that evening. Blind panic raging through her. It had been after closing time, Jackie knew, so there was a high chance that no one had been in the building at the time of the explosion – especially not her daughter. She knew that Rose wouldn’t hang around if she wasn’t needed. She had to have been out of the building by then. But she was late home. Maybe she had gone to see Mickey after work? Maybe the bus had been late? Maybe she had been in a different part of town doing some last minute shopping in the twenty-four hour Tesco just down the road?

Maybe she’d still been in the building?

No, no, she couldn’t have. Jackie was not going to allow her think about that. Rose would be home any second now. She would be home and she would be safe. She was just running behind.

Traffic. Yes, that was it. Traffic. Because of the explosion, the roads were blocked and it was just taking the bus longer to get to its destinations.

Jackie breathed the biggest sigh of relief when she heard the door open and Rose stepped into the flat. She was so relieved that her daughter was alright that she didn’t even bother asking why Rose was carrying the arm of a shop-window dummy. It just wasn’t important.

As any mother would, Jackie asked Rose what had happened, but Rose’s answers were short. It was almost as though she didn’t care that her job and just been blown up and that things could have been so much worse had she not gotten out of the building when she did. Jackie couldn’t understand why she wasn’t asking more shaken up. Maybe she just hadn’t acknowledged it all yet?

Or maybe it was down to relief? Now Rose finally had a proper chance to get out of here and find something else.

Maybe this was the chance that she had been waiting for?

~oOo~

The next day, the dummies attacked. None of it made any sense. She rung Rose, telling her not to go outside, that it wasn’t safe. But the only answer she had received was a faint laugh before the phone disconnected.

The only other phone call Jackie received from her daughter for the next twelve months was when she phoned to say that she was going to be late home.

She didn’t hear from her again, and neither did Mickey – neither did anyone – for an entire year.

And, despite knowing how much Mickey had cared for Rose and how much he was devastated by his girlfriend’s disappearance, Jackie could only blame him for having some part in it.

The only reason being that she couldn’t face the fact that Rose might have done the unthinkable. Just when Jackie had thought that her daughter was finally on the mend, the last few months having finally been some form of distinctive turning point, she was scared that she was going to one day soon find out that it had all been a lie.

So when Rose returned one year later, on the day the spaceship crashed into Big Ben, Jackie was the most relieved she had ever been. She just wished that this Doctor she had met could promise that he was keep her safe.

But, at the same time, Jackie was reluctantly trying to accept that this was the escape that Rose needed. Though she had never expected this in her wildest dreams.

And it wouldn’t be long before it was all about to take a whole new unexpected turn. Maybe even more unexpected than the Doctor’s sudden regeneration.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Okay, so here we are, the chapter I'm pretty sure you've all been waiting to read since chapter 2. Considering I've had quite a busy month (Uni Work and seeing Don Juan last weekend - very good! Go see it if you haven't already!) I'm amazed it's only taken me about three and a half weeks to write this. I thought it'd take longer.
> 
> I hope it explains adequately enough why the Doctor never remembered Rose in the first place since that was the main thing that people have been wondering for most of the story. I've had the reasons why written down since about chapter 2 or 3, so they've been in my mind for a while now.
> 
> I'm not sure anymore how much there's left to go. Initially this was going to be the final chapter with the possibility of an epilogue or something at the end. But it's not worked like that; you start writing something and realise: 'oh, hold on, there needs to be a bit more depth to that' or 'oh, that needs explaining a bit further'. So here we are, chapter 6 of what I had initially thought was going to be a 5-part story with some more to come for definite. Typical. :D
> 
> Some things just never go to plan, do they?
> 
> Enjoy! :D

_Previously:_

_"_ _So go on, tell me. Who is in this picture next to my daughter?"_

_The Doctor looked right back at her. His expressions firm and without insincerity. Once again, Jackie caught a glimpse of all the nine hundred years he had lived in his eyes. And there was something else, too. Something she couldn't quite make out. Guilt? Regret? Sorrow?_

_"_ _Doctor…?" Jackie asked, her voice more gentle now. "How is he?"_

_"_ _He's me."_

~oOo~

There was nothing but a deafening silence between the two of them before after the Doctor's shock revelation. Neither of them quite knew what to do now, or what to say. Both of them needed a moment or two to allow for the news to sink in, but it didn't take long for Jackie's reaction to take hold. The Doctor had merely used the silence between them to mentally prepare for the inevitable.

And was when he felt the hard sensation of Jackie's palm colliding with cheek. He'd been expecting it, so didn't react. He knew it was well deserved.

"What do you meant this is you?!" Jackie asked, her voice rising to a level the Doctor would usually be uncomfortable with, but felt right given the circumstances. She had turned the photograph round to face him, as if he didn't already know what it was of.

For once in his life, the Doctor found that he was speechless. What was he supposed to say in a situation like this? He had been in many battles over the years and had faced many foes, but there was nothing that terrified him more than finding himself in such a difficult situation as he was now. He had never expected - had never conceived such an idea - for something like this happen. Surely he was still in the TARDIS and there was just some telepathic intrusion that had meant his mind had come up with this, quite frankly, barbaric situation. After all, he had been thinking about that time in his life a lot more lately. In fact, it had started cropping up again not long after he had first met Rose. But that didn't mean anything, surely?

"Doctor, you had better answer me or I swear to God I will…!"

"I don't know!" The Doctor said suddenly, coming out of his own thoughts in order to confront the woman in front of him. He knew he couldn't stay silent forever.

"You don't know?" Jackie's voice was patronising in tone now. "You don't know what, Doctor?" She dropped the question, shaking her head angrily. She didn't know if she was more angry with him for what he had just said or the fact that there was just no reaction from him. Usually, he would have said something by now, try to get himself out of the shit he had found himself in by saying something clever. But there was none of that. Jackie was almost discouraged by the fact that he was making this almost too easy.

But, if for a second her anger wavered, it was certainly back now with a vengeance. "Get out of my flat!"

"Jackie…" the Doctor started, but didn't get much further before Jackie placed the photograph, harshly into his chest. He caught it as Jackie took her hands away.

"Get out you perverted alien!"

"Jackie, please, listen, I'm not perverted." But the Doctor knew it was futile. There was no way on Earth that Jackie was going to listen to him, but he felt he had to try. He couldn't just leave, not now, not when Rose was still asleep.

Shit. Rose.

"You had sex with my sixteen year-old daughter!" Jackie yelled at him. Her voice was now beyond uncomfortably loud and once again the Doctor couldn't help but let his thoughts wander to Rose, who surely couldn't still be asleep after all this. He stilled prayed that she wasn't hearing any of this though; this wasn't the way in which the Doctor wanted her to find out, but he was beginning to fear that it might be. Especially if Jackie didn't calm down. Truth was, he wasn't sure how long he could keep his cool, either.

"Yes, apparently so, but technically in terms of age span, I was the same age." He countered. "Now, Jackie -"

"What do you mean 'apparently'?!" Jackie almost screamed at him.

"Jackie, please -"

"What do you mean 'apparently'?!" She repeated and the Doctor instantly regretted his word choices.

The Doctor sighed and tried his best to keep calm but he didn't know how much longer he could hold out for without screaming back at Jackie.

"I don't remember any of what happened." The Doctor finally answered, decidedly calmly for a man who was being interrogated.

"You don't remember what happened?" Jackie repeated incredulously. She wasn't shouting any longer, but there was still highly defined anger in her tone. "What? So you shagged my daughter and then went swanning off like she was nothing? Is that what my daughter was to you, nothing? Is that what she is now?"

The Doctor wasn't entirely sure how to follow that. Of course Rose didn't mean nothing to him, she meant entirely the opposite; she was almost everything to him. He knew that he had to explain his side, and he wanted to – by God, did he want to – but there was no way that Jackie was going to let him get a word in edge ways. But he would be damned if he didn't even bother trying to make himself heard.

He was almost certain that Jackie was about to answer in a way that suggested she had taken the Doctor's silence as a means of confirming her current suspicions, but she never got the chance to answer. Instead, the sound of the front door slamming shut, hard enough for the vibrations of it to be felt in the walls of the kitchen, pulled them away from their conversation.

Breaking eye contact with Jackie for the first time in a while, the Doctor looked towards the closed kitchen door, his eyes wide in realisation.

"Shit," was all he could manage before he opened the door and ran out, Jackie not far behind him.

"Rose!" The Doctor called as he then opened the front door, ignoring Jackie's calls of protest. He caught a glimpse of her pyjama clad form making a bee-line for the stairs and legged it after her, but she was still too far ahead. He didn't know where she was planning to go; given what she had probably just heard, he doubted that she was head for the TARDIS and with Mickey no longer living on this side of the Void, there was no reason for her to go to his. She wasn't dressed for the outdoors either; it was nearly the middle of the night and it was reaching towards freezing, there was no way that he was going to let her out of his sight.

He continued to run, all the while still ignoring Jackie calling at him to leave her alone. As if he would do that.

It crossed his mind briefly that he already had. He'd just never known that.

God, this was nothing but a total and utter mess. How was he going to get him out of this one?

More importantly, would his relationship with Rose still remain intact? They had been getting scarily close more recently and, though it scared the Doctor to think that something more could happen between the two of them, he knew it was the direction he wanted to go in if given the choice between getting closer or drastically being pulled apart for something he had done.

In all honesty, though, it would be a lie if he was to say he hadn't thought about pursuing something more with Rose. But the chances of that happening now seemed slimmer than ever.

However, this wasn't the time to start contemplating those thoughts right now. What was important was making sure that he didn't lose her completely. He had to explain. And he would. No chickening out – not this time.

"Rose, wait!" The Doctor called after her as Rose continued to run down the stairs of the building.

"Leave me alone," she called back without turning around, quickening her pace as much as she could, trying to get away from the man following her.

"Rose, please, let me explain." He called again as Rose opened the door of the building and ran out into the cold night air.

Using the now flat ground to his advantage, the Doctor ran quicker to catch her up. They both knew he was faster than her, but Rose wasn't going to go down without a fight. She continued to run until she felt the Doctor's cool gently grab her upper arm, trying to bring her to stop.

"Rose, please, don't run off."

They both came to stop and Rose turned to look at him. There were tears in her eyes and both the Doctor's hearts felt heavy at the sight. If there was one thing he hated more than anything, it was seeing Rose upset – especially knowing that he had been the cause of it all. He just hoped now that she had stopped running, she was let him explain.

"What could you possibly have to explain to me? I heard you in the kitchen. I heard what you said to mum. You were the one who I spent that week with, then you went away, apparently forgot anything to do with it and never came back. And I was left picking up the pieces after having been stupid enough to think that you might actually return."

"You don't know why I forgot, that's what I need to explain." The Doctor tried, but it didn't seem to work.

"I don't need you, too." She said coldly. "It's pretty obvious – even to me – you didn't want to admit that you had been with some stupid human."

"Rose, no," the Doctor told her sternly. He wasn't going to have her thinking like that.

"D'you know what? I don't care anymore. Just get in that box of yours and go. I –" she didn't finish her sentence, chocking up slightly at the end, before pulling away from the Doctor and heading off in the direction she had originally been going.

The Doctor made to reach out for her again, but wasn't able to get a hold of her before she was too far away. He could do nothing else but stand and watch her go, shocked by what she had said, but also because he knew chasing after her straight away would do no good.

He wouldn't just leave, that much he was certain of. There may have been times when he might've done, but there was no way that he was leaving Rose on her own in the state she was in. He couldn't do that to her – he wouldn't do that to her. He would wait a couple of minutes, go after her, and try and get his version of events across. He owed her that much, after all. Then, if she still wanted him to leave, then he would. But only after he had told her the truth – all of it.

When about two minutes had passed, the Doctor allowed himself to go after her. He didn't run, but rather jogged. He didn't want to get there too soon, thinking that Rose would be less likely to cooperate if he did so, but equally, he didn't want to wait too long in case she began to think that he really didn't care.

He found her in the park, on the damp grass, in a spot that seemed vaguely familiar to him. It wasn't clear in his mind, but it didn't take a genius to realise that this was the place he had first met Rose all those years ago. Not for the first time, he cursed the fact that he couldn't remember properly.

Though it was dark, and the street lights did little to illuminate much beyond where they stood, the Doctor could see that Rose was shivering. So, he begun to undo his suit jacket and as he came up behind her, he gently placed it around her shoulders, before sitting on the grass next to her.

"Thought I told you to go." Rose said, her voice cold but quiet and thick with emotion. She didn't dare look at him, either and the Doctor couldn't help but look at her briefly before looking down at the grass he was sitting on.

"I'm not just going to leave you, not like this." He told her quietly.

"You did before." She countered, almost as though she was looking to start up an argument.

"Not because I wanted to." Came his reply.

To his surprise, Rose said nothing back. So he took the opportunity to look across at her and took another turn to speak.

"Rose, I know you're upset with me, I understand, I do. I know it's not easy for you to find this out and, believe me, this isn't how I wanted to tell you." He started. "I didn't even know about this until I found the photograph yesterday."

"How can you not remember though?" Rose asked, carefully looking across at him, all the fight now gone out of her voice, replaced only by clear emotion.

"That's what I've been wanting to explain to you since you ran out of the flat." The Doctor reminded her gently. "Please, Rose, just let me explain. Let me tell you what happened to me, then you can make up your mind. You can choose if you want to stay here, if you don't want to travel with me anymore. And I'll go, I promise; if that's what you still want, I'll go. I don't want to, but I will."

Looking away from him, trying to hide the tears that had formed in her eyes, Rose slowly nodded.

"Thank you," The Doctor took in a breath, closing his eyes for a second as if to prepare himself for what he was about to say. He had barely spoken about this before, only ever to Susan, his granddaughter, and that had been such a long time ago now, that it felt like a distant memory. And, of course, he had confronted his brother the moment he realised what had happened, but never spoke of it to him again. It was after that that their relationship had been tedious; they barely ever spoke after that.

"I was about sixteen-seventeen when I first came to Earth with my brother. The same age as you had been." The Doctor began, looking over at Rose who refused to look back at him. When he realised that she wasn't going to look his way, he turned back and looked down at the dark, damp grass beneath him. "My brother had been on some kind of mission for the Time Lords and, because I have always been curious – even back then – I begged for him to let me come. Reluctantly he did. But the Time Lords already knew that I wasn't always the best at following rules and that my curiosity and rebellious side often got the better of me. So they apparently decided that they would keep an eye on me more so than they did my brother." He smiled slightly at the thought of being watched by the Time Lords and remembered how even then he had wanted to rebel against their ruling.

"So anyway, we come to Earth and obviously during that time I must've met you. Obviously, otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation. But I don't remember any of the time I spent here. I don't remember this spot;" he gestured to the ground around them, but realised Rose still wasn't looking, but he continued regardless. "I don't remember how we met; and I definitely don't remember… _being_ with you in that way." He paused and sighed slightly. "To be honest, the whole week I spent here is just a blur in my mind. Nothing more than a dream that faded the moment I woke up.

"But I do remember one thing. And that one thing was what told me, the day after I returned, that none of it had been a dream. I remembered the promise I had made; I remember it so vividly that I knew it wasn't a dream, it couldn't be. That's when I realised that the Time Lords had done something to my memories because they disagreed with something that I had done and, knowing what I know now, I understand what that was."

For the first time since the Doctor had started talking, Rose looked up at him. She didn't bother to hide the shock in her eyes because the Doctor wasn't looking at her anyway. His eyes were lowered to the ground and, although it was dark and his expression was slightly unclear, she could tell that his eyes harboured the anger that had been there for centuries; the anger at what they had done to him.

"They wiped your memory?" She asked gently, wanting him to clarify what he had said.

The Doctor nodded, but didn't look up. He could feel her eyes on him, but couldn't bring himself to meet her gaze. "Not completely." He clarified. "But enough to make me believe that it was merely just a dream. They used a device on me which they were just finishing: A Memory Distorter, I think they eventually called it. Basically how it worked was that it was programmed to my DNA, gathered from the data they had of my original looming and could only be activated by the touch of the person on the receiving end. Wasn't supposed to be forced upon you, but for me it was. Clearly someone – my brother I assume – had placed my finger on it during the night and when I woke up the next morning, I felt as though I had woken from a dream. Details like your name or what you looked like went, but I knew that there had been someone I had spent the week with that hadn't been my brother, but I could never remember what we did together or anything I said. Apart from one of the last things I said to you -"

"—one day I will return." Rose finished off for him.

"Yeah,"

"Then why didn't you?" It was the question at the centre of all of this; the question that needed answering more than anything else. And it was safe to say that the answer Rose received was the answer she had been least expecting.

"I tried." The Doctor told her and for the first time in what felt like ages, their eyes met and through the dark Rose could see the pain behind the Doctor's eyes, willing for her to understand that this was as hard for him as it was for her. "I couldn't find you straight away; I wasn't allowed to leave Gallifrey after that. But I knew that one day I would be able to search for you; just to see you again, to make sure that you had been real, that I was right.

"When I first stole the TARDIS, I was traveling with my granddaughter, who I told the story too – everything that I knew. She told me that she would help me find you, though I knew nothing of who you were or even where to begin looking. I knew you were on Earth, but when or where, I had no idea. We just roamed, hoping to come alone something that might jog my memory; make me remember everything that I had lost already so many years ago.

"But then we landed in 1963, and I felt I couldn't search any longer. Susan started going to one of the school's in the area and one day her teachers landed up following her home, back to the TARDIS." The Doctor laughed at the memory of it. "Ian and Barbra: they were my first companions other than Susan, I guess.

"So then my life as you know it began. Traveling the universe, fighting monsters, meeting the Daleks for the first time. Everything just became that little bit more chaotic. But I still never forgot to keep an eye out, just in case.

"But, over time, memories fade, and life continued to get in the way. Then, of course, the Time War started and…well, I've told you what happened."

"Doctor, I…" Rose started, but didn't know how she was meant to continue. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but knew that he needed to get the remainder of his story out before they could do anything like that. The air still needed to be cleared and things still needed to be said. So she sat there still, still slightly too far away from him, and let him continue.

"Then I met you in the basement of your old shop. You probably guessed that I was reluctant to form any connection with you at that time, trying to keep you at arm's length but, other than realising that you were too good to be working in a shop for the rest of your life and that you needed some kind of escape, there was something niggling at the back of my mind. Like something was drawing me to you that was completely unconnected to the Auton attack. That was round about when I started thinking about that time I had spent on Earth a lot more again, remembering my promise that I would one day come back. I hadn't thought of it much since the Time War began and ended. But still, I couldn't work out what it was and so pushed it to one side as I always do. My emotions when it comes to you were already too complex to start adding that to the mix as well. Guess my mind was trying to signal me to understand something I didn't even want to try and comprehend."

That caught Rose's attention, the last thing he had said. She looked at him again, their eyes having drawn apart as he continued to speak. But now she was looking at him again, trying to work out the implications of what he was trying to say.

"Doctor, what do you mean?" She asked gently. There was also a fear in her voice. Given any other circumstances – before all this had happened – the thought of the Doctor telling her what she thought he was would have thrilled her, but now it scared her. She didn't think she was ready for this as well on top of everything else. It was just all too much to take in.

Looking intently at her, the Doctor willed for her to understand, but knew that she would need verbal confirmation as well. "What do you think I mean?" He seemed as unwilling to say the words as she was almost unwilling to hear them – at least right now, anyway.

"I…I don…I can't…" She looked away. God, why did this all have to be such a mess?

"It's okay,"

"I just…"

"I know,"

Knowing that this wasn't easy on Rose and wanting to be some form of comfort, the Doctor attempted to move closer to her and tried to wrap his arm around her shoulders in a friendly gesture. However, Rose jolted and pulled out of his hold. He was shocked at the motion, but hardly surprised. This wasn't what she wanted – not now at any rate.

"Don't," she told him, refusing to look at the hurt she knew would be written on his face. "Please, not right now. I can't."

"Sorry," he apologised, not knowing what else he was supposed to say back.

"I just need time. Please, just give me that."

The Doctor nodded, though Rose didn't see him. "I understand."

"I need to go back to mum and be on my own for a while; get my head around all this."

"Sure, if that's what you want." He tried to hide the fact that the thought of Rose not wanting to be around him stung a little, but he knew that it was the best. He understood that she needed her own space and that the TARDIS wasn't the right place to do so in.

"Not permanently," Rose told him. "At least, I don't think so."

The Doctor nodded. He wasn't going to get his hopes up based on that statement, knowing that there was still a chance that Rose would decide to stay behind; especially since she had, not long ago, told him to leave.

"Better get going; mum'll be worried and I have some stuff I want to get from the TARDIS before I go back."

"Sure," the Doctor stood up and held out a hand for Rose, but she either didn't notice or she chose to ignore it.

They walked back to the TARDIS in complete silence, walking further apart from one another than they had ever done before. The Doctor trailed behind Rose, his hands firmly placed in the pockets of his trousers. He didn't want to admit it, but the cold was starting to get to him now, but he knew Rose still needed his jacket more than he did; so he stayed quiet and didn't let on. The last thing he needed now was to make Rose feel guilty. Though, thinking about it, at least then she'd at least look at him again and the icy silence would be broken.

On the other hand, it could just make things all the more awkward. They probably would have been alright if he hadn't basically admitted his feelings for her. Just one stupid sentence and the whole thing had become even more awkward and complicated than it needed to be. God, why hadn't he shut up before that point? He'd already explained in enough detail. Surely, leaving it at 'I started to think more about that time when I met you (again)' would have been enough to end it?

Then again, things probably wouldn't have been all that much better had ne not uttered that last bit. Either way, he knew Rose would need time to think things through.

When they reached the TARDIS, still no word had been uttered between them. The Doctor didn't know how much more of this silence he could take, but he really didn't want to say something stupid and risk Rose getting angry at him.

"I'm just going to grab some things." Rose said, almost unnecessarily before she made her way down the corridor to her room.

The Doctor watched as she walked down the corridor. He thought about following her; about begging her to stay with him, but there was no point. He had already told himself that it was for the best. Surely she wouldn't leave for good? She seemed to think that she was coming back – that was good, wasn't it? He just had to focus on that.

While she was gone, the Doctor took the photograph out of his pocket that Jackie had thrown back at him and looked at it. If only he had had a copy of this all those years ago, then maybe this situation could have been avoided? Maybe, but hardly likely. Something would have gone wrong – it always did.

He sighed and almost didn't notice Rose coming back in.

When he realised that he was no longer alone in the console room, he turned to see Rose, putting the photograph back into his pocket. She was still in her pyjamas and wearing his suit jacket, carrying a full-looking rucksack with her stuff in it. His hearts immediately faltered and he was worried she might have already decided to stay with her mum for good.

"What you gonna do?" Was instead what she asked him and he was almost taken aback.

"Huh?" the Doctor asked.

"What you gonna do?" Rose repeated, not looking at him fully.

"I wasn't really going to do anything." He told her – and it was true. He had no plans to go anywhere; too afraid that if he did he might come back too late.

"So you're just gonna sit here?"

The Doctor nodded, but she didn't see.

"Won't you get bored?"

"Oh, I've got plenty of things to keep me entertained until you come back. Could make a start on fixing that Chameleon Circuit for starters. So don't be worried if the TARDIS no longer looks like a blue police box when you return." He said, trying to keep his voice upbeat.

Rose was silent for a moment. "I like the blue police box, though."

It didn't escape the Doctor that she hadn't confirmed whether she was coming back or not, but she hadn't denied it either. That he took as being a good sign.

"Alright then, I won't go changing it." He gave her a small smile, which she just about returned. In all honesty, the Doctor hadn't expected her to give him anything, but a smile surely meant that things couldn't be completely ruined for them because of this. There was still hope at finding something to cling on to.

"Do you want your jacket back, by the way? I'd forgotten I was wearing it." Rose made to take off the Doctor's suit jacket, but he stopped her before she could pull it all the way off her shoulders.

"No, you'll need it when you walk back up to the flat. I'd rather you kept it for now." The Doctor told her.

"Thanks," Rose said quietly before making sure her bag was firmly on her shoulders before she started making her way towards the TARDIS doors. "See ya," she said, barely giving him a second glance as she opened the doors.

"Rose," the Doctor called after her.

Rose stopped and turned to look at the Doctor as he stood up straight and made his way towards her.

"Before you go, I need you to know that I didn't mean for anything of this to happen. I know I've said it before, but I can't tell you how sorry I am." He pulled out the photograph from his pocket and handed it to her. Rose took it with a look of confusion on her face. "This is how I found out. I didn't mean to pry, but I got curious when I found the photo album under your bed yesterday when looking for that present for your mother. Had it since then. Thought I'd better return it, y'know, in case you decide not to come back."

Rose looked from him to the photograph and back again. Not sure of what to say considering she didn't know what she was going to do just yet – her head was still full of conflicting emotions – Rose gently took the photograph off of him. "Thank you,"

Nodding slightly and knowing that nothing else could be said in that moment, the Doctor allowed Rose to leave, watching her go as she did. When the door closed, he let out a sigh, feeling for the first time for a while now just how empty the TARDIS was when he was on his own.

He hoped it wouldn't be like this for too long, though. Yet, he couldn't shake the feeling that Rose might decide to stay behind.

Give it a few days and he'd know for certain.

In the meantime, he was sure there were some repairs somewhere on board this ship that needed doing. He'd do anything if it meant taking his mind of what had happened tonight. But it was unlikely he'd be able to concentrate on anything but.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Sorry that this took longer than I wanted it to. I had wanted to try and get something up around Easter, but sadly I was ill with flu for a few days and then was extremely busy meeting with friends I hadn't seen and my sister's birthday the rest of the week as well as struggling a bit with a minor case of writer's block. Plus, I am so also a little bit behind on Uni work, so better be getting back to that. 
> 
> To make up for it, here is a long chapter which I hope is satisfactory. I've done a plan for the next chapter as well, which, if all goes well, should be the last (I've even updated the status of this story to say that this is chapter 7/8! - the end is in sight!). Hopefully, it won't be too long coming since I've already planned it and all, but it's the end of term now so I have assessments and an exam to prepare for (*sarcastic yay*), so those are, of course, my priority. 
> 
> See you soon, hopefully!

It had been three days since Rose had returned to the flat, wearing only her pyjamas and the Doctor’s suit jacket, shivering from the chill she had caught from being outside. Jackie had been with her from the moment she heard the door click shut; she had taken Rose’s bags from her, and hadn’t questioned straight away whether her daughter was planning on staying here permanently now - though Jackie wasn’t going to deny that it was the first question she thought of asking after she asked if her daughter was alright (and, of course, she already knew the answer to that one).

That night, Rose had barely said a word to Jackie, not wanting to go into what she and the Doctor and talked about; not wanting to discuss what happened now. For that night, she had wanted to try and forget that any of it had happened, but knew that it was unlikely to stray from her mind for any longer than a mere few seconds. She didn’t cry, she had felt almost too numb for that: both from the cold that she could still feel lingering in her bones and the shock that she didn’t know would ever leave her.

Once she had gone to bed, hoping to get some sleep, but knowing it was unlikely, Rose couldn’t help but let her mind wander to the Doctor and what he had told her. He hadn’t wanted to forget what had happened and had admitted that he even tried to look out for her even when he had no idea who she had been. She had found it hard to believe that the Doctor’s own people would make him forget, but then again, he never spoke about them to her - only when he had no other choice. She had no idea what they had been like, but she had always pictured them as the kind of people who were kind, unlike some of the other races she had encountered over the last couple of years. However, as she had lain there thinking over what had happened, she had started to wonder if that was just the way the Doctor had chosen to remember his people since he was the only one left.

It didn’t slip from her mind the fact that, had the miscarriage never happened, that statement would no longer be true. She felt tears in her eyes at the thought of not only what she had lost, but the Doctor as well.

Her sorrow had soon turned into anger when her mind reminded her that he had left her behind all those years ago without so much as an explanation - despite what he had just told her.

Eventually, she had fallen into a troubled sleep, her last conscious thoughts surrounding the ideas of what was going to happen now and, more importantly, what she wanted to happen.

She never came up with an answer that night.

~oOo~

 

That had been what had happened three days ago. Now, Jackie was just plain worried. Despite the fact that she was still incredibly angry at the Doctor for what had happened and that she still didn’t know the full extent of it, she knew that Rose was taking it very hard and wished for nothing more than for this whole mess to sort itself out - in whatever way possible.

 She had hoped that something might happen the morning after. She had almost expected one of them to run to the other to talk, but that didn’t happen. When Rose had woken that morning and made her way into the living room simply just to turn the television on, Jackie couldn’t help but go into her room and look out the window. She hadn’t been sure what she had been expecting, but she had half expected the Doctor to have vanished, his box with him. But, as she had looked out of the window, she could see the blue shape of the TARDIS still parked where it had been since it had arrived. So he hadn’t left then?

Today was the same, as yesterday had been and the day before. Each day, Jackie had looked outside her bedroom window and seen the TARDIS in the same spot. She hadn’t seen the Doctor himself, but she knew he was in there. Part of her knew why.

By the end of the third day, Jackie had had enough. Rose still hadn’t told her what had happened that night and was still in a state of depression. Jackie wasn’t going to deny it, she was worried that her daughter might relapse as a result of this. She was worried that Rose might have to go back on the antidepressants that she had spent so much time trying to get off of. If things didn’t get sorted out, then there was no telling what would happen to Rose. Jackie knew her daughter was strong, but also knew that this had been a time in her life which she had found very difficult to deal with. Having that brought up again and knowing that her best friend - the man Jackie knew her daughter was very much in love with - had played a part in the mess that had happened, despite the actual details, could prove to be the undoing of all the hard work that it had taken to get them where they were now. The worst thing of all, though, for both Jackie and Rose, was that they only really had each other. No one else would understand.

That was when she realised that she had no choice in her next action. Despite her own feelings, she had to do what was best for Rose. She had to go and talk to the Doctor. She had to try and build some kind of bridge that they could all use to cross and move on.

“Rose, love, I’m just popping out,” Jackie called from the hallway as she grabbed her coat and keys. “I won’t be long.”

“Okay,” Rose replied. She didn’t shout and never turned away from the screen in front of her. Jackie sighed. It was as though Rose was already trying to disconnect herself from this level of reality by absorbing herself in the fictional lives of others. This couldn’t go on.

Taking one last look at her daughter still sat on the sofa, Jackie opened the door and made her way out into the cool, early evening air.

~oOo~

For three days, the Doctor had done nothing other than think about what had happened. He had thought about going somewhere in an attempt to try and find something to take his mind off his own, current problems, but knew that wasn’t for the best. With his luck, he would arrive back too late and things would only be worse for him. No, his best option was to stay put, just until he knew what Rose wanted to do. He still wasn’t entirely sure whether or not she was coming back, but he didn’t stop hoping. The last time he had spoken to her, she didn’t say anything that told the Doctor that she had decided, for sure, that she was staying behind. But, within the chaos of his mind, a little voice somewhere near the back kept reminding him that she hadn’t told him that she would be staying, either.

So within the time had had on his own, his mind had wandered over a few things. He kept trying to work out for himself what it was he felt now that he knew that the child Rose had miscarried when she was sixteen had been his. It was almost impossible to believe, and so very unlikely to have happened. But it had, and there was nothing anyone could do to reserve any of the events that had caused this. Not for the first time, the Doctor wished he could remember exactly what had happened and exactly what he had felt during that week he had first come to Earth. He knew that, whatever his feelings had been, they must have been strong. Strong enough for that one tiny little detail to stay with him for all these years, even after having his memory of that time taken away. To remember the promise he had made, saying that one day he would come back for her, must have been made with such strong emotion if it could beat even the Time Lord’s interference with his mind. It scared him to think about what that feeling could have been, particularly from someone as young as he had been. He knew from the moment he met Rose that she had been different, and it hadn’t taken long after that for him to realise that his feelings for her weren’t exactly the platonic feelings he had held for his other companions in the past. He had even told her this, to some extent, the other night. It hadn’t been an explicit declaration of his feelings - he was in no way ready for that - but it had been a start; something for Rose to cling onto, telling her that the feelings he knew she held for him might actually not be as one-sided as he knew she believed.

And as he thought about what it was that he had found out only days before: that he had almost been a father to a child he had known nothing about, familiar emotions came over him. It was the same feeling that he felt when he thought about the Time War and what the end of it had meant for him. It was the same feeling he felt when he lost someone he had come to grow close to. It was the same feeling he knew he would feel the day he will lose Rose:

Grief and loneliness.

He, too, felt the loss of Rose’s child - _their child -_ and it was one of those rare times in his life where he had no idea what it was he was supposed to do next. He had no plan; no idea; and no way of making this up as he went along.

He was at a lost and felt very alone. Even more so now that Rose wasn’t here. He needed her, but he knew that she needed to be the one to instigate a reunion and it seemed that she still needed time.

~oOo~

The knock on TARDIS doors nearly made him fall off the jump seat that he had been sat on for the last few hours. Until he was brought out of his own mind, he had had no idea how much time had passed.

His hearts thumped at the thought that it was most likely Rose on the other side of the door so he rubbed his hands over his face, hoping that he didn’t come across as looking too tired.

As he stood up and made his way to the door, the knock came again, and it was only then that the Doctor started to doubt who it was on the other side. As far as he was aware, Rose still had her key with her and hadn’t left it before going back to her mum’s. Therefore, by pure logic, it was reasonable to think that she would just let herself in when she decided she was ready to come back. The only person the Doctor knew around here who even knew what the TARDIS was was also living inside that flat and, by God, the Doctor was not in any way prepared enough to deal with Jackie’s wrath.         

Opening the door, he wasn’t shocked to find that it was indeed Jackie on the other side. However, it surprised him that she didn’t have on her the look of a woman wanting to murder him. In fact, he could detect a strong hint of worry coming from the woman in front of him and instantly his mind wandered to Rose.

“Jackie, what is it? Is Rose alright?” the Doctor asked, not bothering with any formalities. The Doctor knew, full well, that Jackie would not be here unless something was wrong or that Rose had forced her to talk to him. To him, it really didn’t look to be the latter and that worried him.

“Not really no,” Jackie told him.

“What is it?”

“Let me in. You and I need to talk.”

The Doctor nodded and let Jackie inside the ship, letting the door click shut behind them.

“Jackie, please, I know you hate me right now, but if you’re here to yell at me, or whatever it is you feel like doing, just leave it, because nothing you could possibly say to me, I haven’t already thought of myself,” the Doctor told her as he followed her up to the central console.

“I need you to come back with me and talk to Rose,” Jackie told him, ignoring everything he had just said.

“I’m sorry?” he asked, thinking he’d heard wrong. After everything that had happened, Jackie still wanted him to go and talk to Rose? This wasn’t what he had been expecting.

Then it hit him.

“You’re worried she might be depressed?”

Jackie just nodded.

“And you think I can help?”

Again, she just nodded.

“Even though I’m the reason for all of this in the first place?”

“Doctor, believe me, you’re the last person I want to be talking to right now, but I know my daughter and I know that she needs you right now. Despite what’s happened, she hasn’t said a bad word against you and I know that the reason this is hurting her so much is because she loves you. I don’t know why, I’ve never understood it, but she does,” Jackie explained. “So, go up there and sort this whole thing out, for all our sakes.”

“I can’t,” the Doctor shook his head regretfully. “Not until Rose is ready. She needs to instigate this. I can’t force myself on her if she doesn’t want to see me, let alone talk to me.”

“Doctor, listen to me,” Jackie said. “You may think that you’re doing the right thing by giving Rose space – I understand. But it’s been three days now and Rose has barely said a word to me since she came back the other night. She’s done nothing but sit in front of the TV for three days, so I really don’t think that all this time is doing her any good. The sooner the two of you sort this out the sooner I can work out how the hell it is I’m ever going to forgive you for this.”

“I don’t expect forgiveness, Jackie,” the Doctor told her, much to Jackie’s surprise. “In all my life, I’ve never sort it out and I don’t plan to start now. I just want to be understood; nothing more, nothing less.”

“Then make me understand, Doctor,” Jackie asked of him. “Tell me what it was that happened to you, so that I can. I’m assuming you’ve already told Rose?”

“Yeah,”

“Then you might as well tell me as well,”

The Doctor nodded. “If Rose hadn’t overheard us the other night, you’d already know most of it.”

“I realise that,” Jackie nodded back. “So go on then, what happened to you? Why did you leave my daughter?

So he told her. He told her everything. And by the time that he had reached the end of his tale, he could see a flicker of understanding cross Jackie’s expression as she nodded, finally realising that he hadn’t left her intentionally and that, really, if he could have helped it, nothing would have been the way it had. They both knew in that moment, that things would have been very different had the Doctor’s past not happened.

After the Doctor had finished telling Jackie his side to the story, Jackie had finally managed to convince him to go up and see Rose. He was still reluctant, clearly believing that the timing wasn’t yet right. But Jackie was aware that she had gotten through to him and that he was itching to see and talk to Rose.

With each step towards the flat, the Doctor began to feel more and more nervous. He knew Rose knew nothing of him coming back with her mother and so wasn’t entirely sure if she would be pleased to see him or not. The last thing he wanted was for her to reject him completely. He may have told her everything about what had happened, but he realised that he needed to tell her about the things he had been thinking over in the TARDIS before Jackie had arrived. They were the things that were going to be the most difficult to tell. They concerned his feelings; feelings that, up until now, he had kept very close to his chest. But if the last few days had told him anything, it’s that it did no use to hide things from those you care about. By doing so, things get found out in the most disastrous ways.

They arrived at the flat not long after and once inside, Jackie took a step back, allowing the Doctor to continue into the living area.

He hesitated once he realised Jackie had made him take the lead, a thousand and one thoughts were echoing in his mind, most of which kept telling him that maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. He tried to tell himself that it was only Rose, he was only going to talk to Rose. But, frankly, that just made things worse. It was because he was going to talk to Rose that he was finding this difficult. He was scared of saying something stupid, his mouth getting away from him as so often happened, and losing her forever.

And that was the basis of his fear, really. The simple truth of it, so to speak. He was scared of losing her.

Stepping just inside the doorframe between the hallway and living area, his hearts ached when he saw Rose curled up on the sofa watching the television. It was rare for him to see her look so young and vulnerable, but as he continued to look at her, they were two of the only adjectives he could think of that described her right now.

So far, she hadn't noticed him and the Doctor was unsure about what he was going to do when she did. Yes, he had allowed himself to come here with Jackie, realising that she had a point when she had said that he needed to talk to Rose but, now that he was here, he didn't know where to begin in talking to her. He was still certain that Rose needed more time to get to grips with everything that had happened, but there was no way that Jackie was going to allow him anywhere near the front door until he had sat down and talked things through with Rose.

“Hi,” was all he said, hoping that it would be enough to spark off some form of conversation between them.

Clearly shocked at the sound of his voice, not thinking she’d hear it so soon after the other day, Rose turned around to face the direction the sound had come from. 

“What’re you doing here?” She asked, her voice ever-so-slightly higher in pitch than normal.

“To talk,” he replied simply, still not moving from where he was stood. His hands were buried in the pockets of his trousers.

Rose looked at him and took in the way he looked. He looked exhausted; like he hadn’t slept in weeks. His hair was more of a mess than normal, but not the stylised way that she knew he spent most of his time on in the mornings. His shirt and suit trousers were also more rumpled than usual, his tie loosed, hanging pointlessly from his neck, underneath the collar of his shirt. He wasn’t wearing his jacket – that was still in Rose’s room – and he had undone the buttons on the cuffs and rolled up his sleeves, but they had since started to fall back down his arms, one still rolled up just higher than the other. Just by looking at him, Rose realised with some sadness that the last three days had been just about as bad for him as they had been for her.

“You look tired,” she told him quietly.

“So do you,” he retorted.

Jackie looked on at the two of them and realised that it was going to do no good just standing there, watching. It would be best to leave the two of them alone for now, knowing that they had many things to talk about, none of which required her presence. Anything she had to say could wait; this was about them, just like it always had been.

“I’m gonna pop out for a while, leave the two of you to talk,” Jackie announced gently, looking between the two of them. It wasn’t lost on her, the look Rose gave: a mixture of fear and pleading, silently asking her mother not to go anywhere, trying to tell her that she needed her support. But Jackie knew that this had to be done and so just smiled sympathetically at her daughter before making her way out of the flat. She wasn’t entirely sure what she was going to do, but she decided that a spot of early-evening retail therapy wasn’t the worst idea she could have.

Once Jackie had gone, a silence passed over the two of them and it was awkward. In the time that they had known each other and had been travelling together, the number of awkward silences that had passed between them had been minimal. Very minimal. Usually, they bounced off each other perfectly and when there was silence it was comfortable and content. This was neither of those things. There was an elephant in the room that needed addressing, yet neither knew just how to go about it. Neither of them wanted to make the first move, but both knowing they should.

“I feel it, too, you know,” the Doctor said suddenly, unable to take the silence any longer. His voice was quiet and unsure, a far cry from the assertiveness that it usually carried. Rose had seen the Doctor during dark days – usually when his past came back up to taunt him in some way or another – but this was something else.

“Feel what?” Rose asked quietly.

“The loss of the baby,” he clarified, but Rose just shook her head.

“Don’t,” she told him, her voice breaking. “Just don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t just say things like that because you think that’s what I want to hear,” Rose told him, trying to keep her voice level, but knowing it was a losing battle. “I can’t deal with that, not now.”

“I’m not,” the Doctor told her firmly. It was then that he decided to move closer to her, sitting on the sofa. He was still sat on the other end, keeping his distance purely for her benefit rather than his. He wanted to be close to her, but knew trying to bring her into his arms was a step too far right now, no matter how much he wanted to.

“You didn’t even know about any of this until the other day,” Rose reminded him, looking at him directly. There were tears in her eyes, but also a hint of anger. “How can you feel the loss of something when you didn’t even have it in the first place?”

“Because I could have had it. That’s the point!” the Doctor told her. “No, I didn’t know, not even back then. But the point is, I could’ve known and things could have been different. So different. If I hadn’t had to go back to Gallifrey then who knows what might have happened? I feel the loss for that reason.

“I’ve had things and I’ve lost them – lost them all. But to almost have something and have that taken away, you start to wonder what might have happened if something – just one thing, the smallest of things – had been different. And that’s what hurts. The knowing that things might have turned out differently; that maybe you could have done something to change the outcome. I try and live my life not thinking about those possibilities and usually I’m successful. But when it’s something close to you – whether it be a planet or a child and whether you knew about it at the time or not – it makes it even worse, because you can’t help thinking that it’s your fault even when it isn’t. You start wishing that there was something you could do; knowing that the damage has already been done,” the Doctor looked down, averting Rose’s gaze. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but he was doing his upmost not to cry.

Rose, however, noticed and her heart broke for the man beside her. In all the time she had known him, she had never seen him this vulnerable before and, under normal circumstances, she’d bring him to her and hold him, but these weren’t normal circumstances and she knew that, the moment she did that, it would be almost impossible for her to say her piece. A hug between them was normal and a way of closing any conversation they had. Today wasn’t the day for that. There were still things that needed to be said.

“I loved him, you know,” Rose said suddenly, causing the Doctor to look up at her. “Theta. You. Back then. At least I thought I did. I was sixteen, though, and we knew each other for a week, so I guess it sounds stupid for me to think that I was in love with him, but there was definitely something.”

The Doctor nodded, not saying anything. His hearts hurt at the fact that she kept referring to him in the third person when talking about Theta, but he knew it was probably still hard for Rose to think of both himself and Theta as being one in the same, not because she didn’t understand, but because of the implication of it all.

“I guess that’s why I hung on to the promise, because I wanted him to come back. When I found out I was pregnant, it scared me, of course, but when I realised what I could have, I got excited. Kept thinking about what he said – what you said – that you’d come back one day. Of course, I realised that, if you did, things would be different, but I always thought that you’d be happy. Shocked, but happy. Funny, isn’t it? The scenarios you come up with just to keep you going. Of course, reality hit after the miscarriage and there was still no sign of him – you. I guess that’s what hurt the most; the realisation that I had been foolish to think that something good could have come out of it all. I suppose, looking back, it wasn’t the miscarriage on its own that caused my downward spiral into depression, but the thoughts that surrounded it. Almost as though I was being punished for thinking the things I did. It’s like you said, you start thinking that it’s somehow your fault and wondering if you could somehow have prevented it all from happening,”

Looking at her, the Doctor couldn’t help but reach over and place a hand on her shoulder. It was a way of telling her that, regardless of what had happened between them, he would always be there for her. He hoped that was how she took it.

Almost startled at the touch, Rose looked at the Doctor, but didn’t move to shrug him off. They looked at each other for a moment before the Doctor withdrew his hand and Rose took in a deep breath. She still hadn’t finished.

“I thought it was over when I met you,” she started, looking away from the Doctor, not being able to look at him any more as she spoke. “I thought I could finally move on. I had met someone who could take me away from things at home and never have to know why I was so desperate to leave; someone who didn’t know my past. It was great to be able to just forget about it all for so long and I never worried about you finding out, because I knew you wouldn’t pry,”

The Doctor felt ashamed at that. He had pried. He hadn’t meant to, of course, but if he hadn’t had let his curiosity take over, he wouldn’t have ever seen the photographs under Rose’s bed and they wouldn’t be in this situation right now.

“The photos, I never meant to find them,” the Doctor told her as a way of apology.

At that, Rose gave a small smile, the first the Doctor had seen from her in over three days. “I know, I’m not blaming you for finding them. I’d’ve done the same. But what I meant is that I knew you wouldn’t try and ask me a long string of questions or beg to know about my past.

“So, while travelling I felt as though I had really moved on from what had happened, that I had finally put it behind me. But sometimes the smallest of things could act as reminders, and there were a few of those, but I never told you because I knew that if you’d found out, I’d have to explain things from the beginning and that was something I didn’t want to do. So I hid them.

“However, it didn’t matter how hard I tried to escape it, really, because there was always one massive reminder in front of me. You,” Rose told him. “I didn’t know then, how could I? But, when I agreed to travel with you, it didn’t take me long to realise that there was something about you that was familiar. I still can’t put my finger on what exactly it was that led me to that conclusion, but something did. I was always getting reminders from the time that I spent with Theta. The way you’d say something, or the way you acted, regardless of which body you were in, would often remind me of him. And quickly, the feelings I had had for Theta began to reassert themselves on you,” Rose swallowed, as a lump in her throat formed. She realised what she was about to say and stopped herself before she could say anymore. However, glancing at the Doctor told her that she needed to finish this, she needed to get everything out in the open. Now was as good a time as any. It didn’t matter that her feelings were now all over the place since finding out the truth. If asked right now about how she felt, her answer would be different than it had been before coming here. Before, she would have been able to give a certain answer; now, the answer, although still very much on the same line, would be full of more uncertainty.

Taking in another deep breath, Rose finished what she had started. “I began to think that maybe I loved you, the way I loved him,” she began. “And over time I realised that those feelings were deeper, more defined than they had been before. You could argue that this time I was…in love.”

If Rose had been expecting the Doctor to say something in shock about the fact she had just admitted how she had felt about him, she had been expecting wrong. He didn’t say anything, but just looked at her. It shocked her to see that he had barely reacted at all, as though he already knew.

What he said next, however, shocked her even more:

“Was?"

“What?”

“You said ‘was’,” he repeated. “As in, you were in love. Do you not feel that way now?”

Of all the things she had been expecting him to pick up on, her use of tense had certainly not been one of them. She didn’t really know how to reply to that, either, if she was honest. Like said, she wasn’t entirely sure how she felt anymore and her use of the past tense had come out from that. She was also scared about whether or not she would say the right thing. Before he had come here this evening, she had been in no way ready to even begin telling him how she felt; not even since he had said something about his own feelings three nights before. It just wasn’t the time. She had only said it then because it suddenly felt like she had no choice and that it was right to get it out in the open. She certainly hadn’t expected him to want to talk about it further, it just wasn’t his way. But, then again, neither was being as open as he had with her just now; that, too, was uncharacteristic of him and she guessed his brutal honesty earlier in their conversation had subconsciously allowed her to make the decision to tell him, to make it the right time. But she still didn’t know what she was supposed to say now, when everything was just a complete mess.

“It doesn’t matter,” she said finally, hoping that that would be the end of it. He knew that she had felt that way about him, surely he must be able to tell that, on some level, those feelings were still there? She wasn’t sure they would ever go away, really. Maybe, this whole thing would be easier if they had, but life wasn’t that simple, was it? And, let’s face it, would she really want them to go?

“Yes,” the Doctor replied, shocking her for a second time. “Yes, Rose, it does matter.”

She turned fully to face him, shifting her body on the sofa so that she was now sitting almost sideways on it. She didn’t move any closer, however, she made sure that the distance was kept between them.

“Why?” She asked. “Why does it matter?”

“Because it does!” the Doctor told her, but he knew that wasn’t good enough. He tried again. “Because…” he stopped, dipping his head, trying to compose himself. “Because I…” again he couldn’t say it.

A moment of silence passed between them once more and the Doctor used it to move closer to Rose, taking her hands in his. “It matters because I need to know if things can ever be the same between us. It matters because I want to move on from this, not backwards. It matters because I can’t bear the thought of losing you.”

Rose nodded, desperately trying to hold back tears now. It took a while to realise what Rose was nodding for, but eventually the Doctor understood. It was a silent declaration, but it was all he needed and it was enough for now. He then pulled her to him and she didn’t resist, allowing her head to rest against his chest, and he wrapped his arms tightly around her in an embrace he never wanted to let go of.

“I never stopped loving you,” the Doctor whispered in her ear, gently, as he held her. “Despite what happened and despite what I forgot, I never stopped. I won’t ever stop.”

He pulled back, letting go of Rose briefly before cradling her head between his hands, carefully lifting her head up so he could see her properly before resting his forehead against hers. She was crying silently now, tears running down her cheeks so the Doctor used his thumb to wipe them away once or twice before continuing.

“We’ll get through this, I promise.” He lent up and pressed his lips to her forehead in a firm, but gentle kiss which lasted only seconds, before pulling away and letting her fall back into him. “Come back to the TARDIS with me, eh?” He whispered gently to her. “I promise, we’ll sort this out, but I need to know if this is what you what. I need to know that we’re in this together. If you’re not ready to go back, then let me stay here with you.” He tightened his hold on her ever-so-slightly, afraid that if he let her go, she'd run away from him. However, all he felt was her nod against his chest and he found he had no choice but to let her go slightly so he could ask her what she meant.

“I want to go home, back to the TARDIS,” Rose said quietly.

The Doctor didn’t answer with words, but simply continued to hold her, planting a kiss into her hair before resting his head atop of hers.

If things weren’t so delicate between them, he would have kissed her. And he wanted to, more than anything. But, he knew that it wasn’t the time. They may have all-but said the words ‘I love you’ directly to one another, but there was still a long way to go, he knew. Everything may have been said that needed to be, but there was no denying that any change in their relationship wasn’t going to be that much of an immediate thing. Even if he had kissed her then and there, it would still be this way. There were things that needed to be sorted, and they needed to move on from the discovery that they had both uncovered, but there was no way of hiding that things had changed between them because of this. And, in that moment, as he held Rose in his arms, the Doctor couldn’t help but think that maybe things might actually just be alright for once.

They could get through this and they would. No matter how long it took.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are, the end. Thank you to everyone who has commented, left kudos and supported this story over the last couple of months. I'm grateful to every single one of you, so thank you so much! It's been amazing to see people really enjoy this story.
> 
> So, without further ado, I present you with what is the finale of Revelations:

A few hours had passed before Jackie returned. She wasn’t sure what to expect upon returning, but she hoped that the Doctor had really listened to her and had spoken to Rose. Before she left he had clearly been about to; Jackie only hoped that he hadn’t chickened out completely at the last moment.

As she walked up the stairs towards her flat, Jackie considered turning back and knocking on the TARDIS door. The ship was still in the same place it had been for the last few days, so he hadn’t left, but there was no guarantee that he wasn’t back inside once more. However, she figured that seeing if he was still inside the flat where she’d left him was the best way to find out if he had run away or not. She was mad enough at him as it was, so there was no telling how she would feel if she found out how much of a coward he could be.

~oOo~

Inside the flat, the Doctor and Rose had long since moved out of the living area and were in Rose’s room, making sure that everything that needed to be packed had been so before they eventually left for the TARDIS.

Much to the Doctor’s usual despair, Rose had said that it was best if they waited for Jackie to return before they left. However, given the current situation, the Doctor agreed aware that it was the right thing to do. Besides, there were things he still needed to say Jackie before they left. He didn’t want to, of course not, but he knew it was needed; especially if it led to them eventually being able to move on from this shocker of a visit.

They didn’t talk much as they packed; there was none of their usual fleeting banter, but it didn’t feel as awkward as it had before. Since their talk, only moments a go in the great, grand scheme of things, the air had cleared somewhat, but there were still bits floating around, lingering. But they were comfortable now in each other’s presence again, and that was a start.

Once finished in Rose’s room, Rose made her way out of the room and back into the living area, turning back on the television. She’s barely said a word to the Doctor, who followed behind, and found that the use of non-verbal communication was an easier option – a small smile here and a specific look in the eye there. She was grateful in that the Doctor hadn’t tried to force their original relationship back upon them, trying to make out that everything was fine and dandy when it was as far from that as it could be without them being apart. She was grateful that he understood – it was as much his problem as it was hers. He might be a nine-hundred year-old alien, but he understood human emotions more than some may give him credit for. Rose guessed that when faced with a situation like the one they were currently in, there were some emotions that didn’t discriminate against species.

It took Rose a moment to realise that the Doctor was no longer in the room with her. She knew that he had followed her from her room, but it wasn’t until she heard the kettle start to boil that she realised he had gone into the kitchen.

Not long later, he emerged back into the living room with two mugs of tea and a plate of biscuits balanced precariously on his arm.

Rose looked round at him and immediately got up to take the plate off him before it fell off his arm.

“Careful,” she told him as she did so. “You’ll land up making a mess!”

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” the Doctor replied as Rose placed the plate on the table as he did the same with the mugs.

Taking the mug that had been lain down for her, Rose took her place back on the sofa. The Doctor followed, sitting a little further away than he usually did, but close enough so it didn’t come across too strongly that he was attempting to maintain an element of distance between them.

“Thank,” Rose said to him, nodding down at the tea in her hands.

“’S alright, though we could do with one,”

“Mum’ll kill you for the biscuits, though,” Rose said with a half-hearted laugh. Their silence was slowly starting to get to her now.

The Doctor suddenly looked grim. “I think stealing some biscuits from you mother’s biscuit tin are the last of my problems, Rose,” he told her with a small and glum raise of the corner of his mouth which some might constitute as a smile.

She wanted to tell him that her mother would eventually come round, but the truth was, Rose wasn’t sure she would ever be able to look at the Doctor in the same manner again. Instead, she settled on giving him a smile, which she hoped came across as somewhat sympathetic, and the two of them fell back into the silence that they were both starting to be accustomed to.

~oOo~

Jackie returned back not too much long later. She came into the living room and looked straight at the Doctor without saying a word. He knew what that look meant – it meant Jackie was asking him if he had spoken to Rose or not – in return he gave her a simple nod, hoping that was enough to satisfy her.

As her mother then went into the kitchen, switching on the kettle, Rose put down her mug and got up from where she was sat on the sofa, following her mother out of the room.

“You sorted things out, then?” Jackie asked as waiting for the kettle to finish boiling, grabbing her mug and a tea bag as she did so.

“I think so,” Rose told her. “Mostly.”

“Mostly?”

“’S not something that can be sorted out overnight, is it?”

“Guess not,”

A small silence passed between them.

“I’m going back with him,” Rose said suddenly once her mother had started pouring the water out of the now freshly-boiled kettle.

Jackie sighed, “I know, love,” she said turning around her face her daughter. “I knew you would,” she took the milk out of the fridge and poured some into her mug. “Be careful, please.”

“You know I am,” Rose told her.

“I’m not just talking about the monsters the pair of you always seem to find,” Jackie told her. “What I mean is be careful, don’t let him hurt you.”

“He’s never hurt me,” Rose told her mother. Jackie just raised an eyebrow. “At least, not intentionally.”

“That’s what I mean,” Jackie explained. “He may not mean it, but…” she trailed off and gave another small sigh. “I know you love him, I’ve known for a while now, and I can’t bare for you to get hurt because of the way you feel – not again.”

“It wasn’t his fault, you know,” Rose said.

“His fault or not, it still hurt you,” Jackie pointed out. “I just don’t want it to happen again.”

“It won’t,” Rose reassured her. “I promise.”

“It better be,” Jackie said, eyeing her daughter carefully before making her way into the living room. There was an unspoken threat that laced her tone and Rose didn’t need to hear it to understand that her mother meant every unspoken word of it.

“I hear you’re leaving then,” Jackie said to the Doctor as she stood a little way behind the sofa.

The Doctor turned around and nodded. “Yeah,” he replied. “Rose thought it would be best if we waited for you to come back, though.”

“You better look after her,” Jackie told him.

“Jackie, you don’t have to tell me that, I’d do it anyway.”

“Yes, well things are different now, aren’t they?” The Doctor didn’t miss the slight ice to her voice accompanied by the look she was giving him. Yes, things were different now – very different – but that didn’t mean the promises he had made to Jackie all that time ago – right at the very beginning – were any different now than they were then. The only thing that had happened was that they now carried a lot of weight in them, and even the Doctor was aware of that. Surely, Jackie didn’t need to remind him?

“I know Jackie,” the Doctor said. “Believe me, I know.”

It was at that time that Rose had come back into the living room. She looked at the Doctor and gave him a small smile.

“Hey,” she said, “just let me grab my stuff and we can get going,” she told him, aware that it was best if they just left now before things started to get awkward.

However, if Rose had been expecting him to jump at the chance to leave the flat and head back to the TARDIS, she would never had expected him to say what he said next.

“You go ahead, I’ll meet you there. I’m not quite ready to go yet,” he looked over at Jackie, subtly, before looking back at Rose.

“You sure? I can wait if you want,”

“No no, you go ahead; sort yourself out,” the Doctor told her. “I won’t be long.”

Rose looked at him carefully, but didn’t say anything in order to get him to explain himself to her. It was a testament to how fragile their relationship still was right now; normally, she would have demanded an answer, but, somehow, it didn’t seem right to do so.

“Alright, I see you in a bit then,”

The Doctor watched as she left the room and Jackie followed her daughter in order to say a proper goodbye.

He waited until the door shut and Jackie started to walk back down the short corridor towards the living room before he stood up from where he was sat.

“Alright,” Jackie said to him as she came into the room, leaning against the doorway with her arms folded. “What is it?”

The Doctor made his way over to where Jackie was standing and put his hands in his pockets. He took in a deep breath before he started to speak:

“You may never be able to forgive me for what happened – and like I told you before, I don’t expect that – but what I do expect is for you to know that I would never hurt Rose. Not if I can help it,” the Doctor started. “Yes, I made mistakes and I know that I have sometimes, unintentionally, hurt her, but I’ve always tried to make it up to her once I realise,” he sighed. “I’m no good at this, Jackie; at relationships or anything like that, but I want you to know that for Rose I’d do anything. And I promise you, like I promised you before, that I will keep her as safe as I can. Yes, sometimes it can be dangerous – you’ve seen that for yourself – but I would give my life if it meant saving her. I can’t change what happened – and believe me, I would if I could – but I promise you, Jackie, that I won’t leave her behind, not again – not that I ever meant to in the first place – but I promise it won’t happen again. I can’t bear to lose her.”

Jackie looked at him carefully and found that there was nothing that told her he was in any way insincere. She sighed, looking down briefly before looking him in the eye. “I know, and I know that you’ll keep her safe,” she told him. “I guess there’s nothing else left to be said now,” she moved out of the way of the door and nodded down the corridor. “Go on, you might as well go; Rose’ll be wondering where you’ve got to.”

“Thanks Jackie,” the Doctor told her before he made his way to the front door and gently pulling it open.

“Oh, Doctor,” Jackie called.

“Yes?”

“Just one more thing,”

“What is it?” The Doctor asked, trying to hide the worry in his voice.

“Promise me you’ll tell her how you feel,”

“About what?” He asked.

“Don’t act like you don’t know,” Jackie told him, but realised she would have to tell him anyway. “Promise me you’ll tell her how you feel about her,” she clarified.

The Doctor was silent for a moment, looking down at his converse before looking back up at Jackie with a small smile.

“I don’t think words can even begin to cover it,” he told her, before giving her one last look as he shut the door behind him.

Jackie watched him as he did so and mumbled something about stupid aliens before heading back into the kitchen for another cuppa.

~oOo~

Arriving back at the TARDIS not long later, the Doctor found that the console room was empty. Deciding that he wouldn’t go and bother Rose right now, thinking it best if he let her unpack on her own for a bit (not that she had packed all that much up in the first place), he let himself fall down onto the jump seat behind him, sighing heavily.

He’s tired, both physically and emotionally. The last few days have been hell and he knew that it was still far from over. Sure, the main issues had mostly be dealt with and everything was more or less out in the open, but the Doctor knew that there was still a fair way to go before things were completely sorted. It was a case now of doing what felt right when it felt right, he assumed. Right now, however, he’d rather just sleep somewhere quiet and try to take his mind off the events of the last few days for as long as possible. He’s not running away, he knows that he can’t do that now, not after everything that’s been said and done, but he’s tired. Very tired.

Though he’s still desperate to sort things out with Rose as soon as possible.

He knew the longer he left it, the harder it would be for him to come back to it. He’d all but said the words he needed to – she knows he loves her – but like he told Jackie, he didn’t think there were words to describe his feelings. At least not in English. He knew that there was one word which held everything in it, but there was no way there were anywhere near that stage yet and that was suggesting that they make it there in the first place. No, that one word will have to stay hidden for now, but he knew there was a high possibility that one day he would feel able to tell her; just not right now.

Sighing again, the Doctor rubbed his face with his hands and let his mind wander over the last few days and how everything has changed. Despite how tired he was and how stressful this time has been, the Doctor couldn’t help but allow himself to smile slightly when he realised that this is one of the first times in his long life that something has seemed so remotely normal and he wished it could be as simple as that; wished that the circumstances had been different and had allowed for it.

He was in the middle of his thoughts when Rose came back into the console room. He was so engrained in his own mind that he didn’t notice her at first, but once he sensed that he was no longer alone, he turned around to face her.

She looked nervous and he could tell that she was hiding something in her hands, if the way he kept them behind her back was anything to go by.

“Hi,” she said quietly, trying her best to look right at him, but finding it hard to maintain eye contact.

“Hey,” he said in return, giving her a small smile. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” she said, though it was unconvincing to say the least.

Sitting up properly and turning to face her fully, the Doctor continued to look at her, worry evident in his features.

“Rose, what is it? What’s wrong?” He asked gently.

Rose stayed quiet for a moment, clearly trying to work out how she was going to go about saying what it was she wanted to say. But after a few seconds she finally took in a breath and started to speak:

“You can say no, but there was something I wanted to ask you,” she started, stalling a little to build up more courage.

“What is it?” the Doctor repeated, trying not to worry about where this could lead to.

Rose sighed and brought her arms back around to the front of her body, allowing the Doctor to be able to see what it she had been hiding from him. In her hands she held what looked like a photograph. From the angle he was sat at he could say for definite which one she was holding, but he had a pretty good idea.

“Rose?” he prompted when she still said nothing.

“I know that it seems a bit domestic and all, and I know that’s not really your thing, but I was wondering if we could keep this in here. I dunno, put it on the scanner or something? Or on the ridge above? I just think it would be good to keep it where we can both see it,” she sighed and avoided the Doctor’s gaze. “Sound’s stupid, I know.”

Without saying a word, the Doctor stood up so he was facing her and looked down at the photograph she was holding. It was the one he had expected; the one of the two of them that he had found that had sparked this whole thing off.

Smiling, he took the photograph from her and gently slotted it where the metal surround met the screen of the scanner.

“I’ll find a proper place for it later,” the Doctor said smiling as Rose looked up at him in astonishment. Although she’d hoped, she hadn’t expected him to what to put it up in here, thinking that he would come up some kind of excuse which would probably have included the word ‘domestic’ in there somewhere.

“You sure?” She asked, feeling shy all of a sudden.

The Doctor looked at her and gently took hold of her upper arms so she could see how serious he was. “Yes Rose, I’m sure,” he smiled at her and before she had the chance to register what was happening, she felt the Doctor place his lips gently upon hers.

Shocked and at first a little confused, it took Rose a moment to realise that it was in fact the Doctor who was kissing her and that she hadn’t yet responded in any way. In order to rectify things, she soon started to kiss him back, gently at first. It wasn’t long, however, before her arms found their way around his neck, bringing him closer to her as his hands wandered down from her shoulders, finding purchase on hips.

She was just about to open her mouth to him, deepening the kiss further, when she felt the Doctor start to gently pull back, resting his forehead on hers.

“What was that for?” she asked breathlessly.

The Doctor smiled at her and pressed a kiss to her forehead quickly before looking back down at her. “You know what,” was all he said.

Rose smiled back at him, properly, for the first time in over three days. “Yeah, I do,” she said simply before pulling him back down and pressing their lips together for a second time.

It’s this second kiss that tells the Doctor that things are going to be alright between them. All his worries that he still had, even leading up to this moment, about whether or not they would be able to move on from this are eradicated, leaving him thoughtless for the first time in days. And just before he finds himself unable to think coherently for a while, the Doctor let’s himself marvel over the fact that, for once, after nearly nine-hundred years, the universe had decided to do this one thing for him and he would be damned if he was to ever let it slip from his grasp before its time.

At the same time, Rose allowed herself one last thought upon the subject before letting it slip to the back of her mind where it would stay at least until tomorrow. Her thought was this:

Sometimes, even the most shocking of revelations can have the happiest of endings.

~ _fin_ ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> Love Emma x


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